MLC H at age 32, maybe single mum with a toddler S

[Maybe]

I am reposting this here because I am not getting any response at the MLC section. I hope I will get some replies here...

Firstly, I am not good at telling stories. Excuse me if I jump all over the place. Secondly, English is not my mother tongue, I am sure you will know what I mean, but I can be saying some funny phases. Any who, this is my story.

I neglected my husband for a year. I have to say parenthood had taken a toll on both of us because we both grew up in broken families. We jumped into it not knowing what to expect and with no help. I was deaf to his complaints, he mentioned he was depressed but I just assumed he will get over it. At the time my very unsettled son was my one and only priority. I was unhappy too. He was helpful around the house and supporting me but my son was not getting easier and he was almost one. I decided to go visit my dad and my stepmom for 2 weeks so I could relax a bit and be with family. Meanwhile, the pipes at home had busted. I said to him I am not going back with a baby if there's no water supply. So 2 weeks became 1 month. And I was really mean about it. When we got back, he became a different man. Mistake # 1, leaving when R is fragile

He at first was critical and withdrawn. He cheated once 7 years ago, so I started checking his iPad and found some inappropriate photos and sites straight away. He told me everything when I confronted him. He was seeing an escort. He was angry because he was ashamed of it. We agreed to try to work things out so I went from not paying attention to him to pursuing too hard. It was not working. He finally told me he loves me and not in love with me. He wanted to live as friends and raise our son together. Until one day it was too much for me I asked him to leave because he said he wanted me to get over him. 2nd mistake, kicking him out when things are uncertain.

I didn't read DR till 2 weeks ago. But prior to that I made a promise to myself to love him unconditionally for 90 days. I said to him I still love him and want to use this energy positively. Since then I got better and better in being around him without acting desperate. I am following some techniques I read in "my husband doesn't love me and is texting someone else". I acknowledge his feelings, praise him on his look and if he does anything encouraging, not doing "more of the same" when disagreeing. We definitely gets on a lot better now, and he confessed to me he's having a mid life crisis.

So here is where I feel stuck. He told me more than once there's no other woman at the start of our separation. I believe him. But I do believe there is one now. He would lied if he needs to do activities with her. He comes 4 or 5 times a week to see our 17 months old. When he can't make it, he would text saying he has a work meeting or he's hangover. I know he lied because we have a joint bank account. Every time he doesn't come, he's spending money in a nice restaurant, or a cinema, or a shopping mall. I know I should stop prying. I can't help it. But I never tell him I know. He went on a holiday 2 months after separating, spend half of his savings, drinking and partying every chance he got. I was very controlling before, now I know I need to stay out of it. Another 2 weeks, my 90 days will be up. He is getting more and more comfortable hanging around me, telling me aoubt work and his new iPhone purchase. Asking me to help sort out Christmas with his family. Taking out the rubbish when he's around. But, continue to poach me to sell the apartment and keeping his dates with OW. I am thinking about the last resort but don't know if it's the way to go. I texted him almost everyday about something positive. Either it's his look that day, or how good he's doing at work, or how good he's with our son. I think he appreciate it mostly. But he has a date before meeting us, then he acts colder towards me. I also make a point in hugging him when he leaves, he said he's hugging me as a friend. I also buy him small things like the cake he likes, put a Pepsi in the fridge when he visits. He would take these gifts. Sometimes happily, sometimes deep in throught. I think he's going back and forth in how he feels about my changes. And I know I am still "pursuing", only that I am not a mess anymore and has started a new job.

There has been some arguments such as the times he took our car key with him, and yelling at me because I was "making things difficult" because he needed to return it when he's at work. I refuse to join in the fights anymore. I would calmly tell him afterwards that I don't appreciate his behaviour because how he affects my day. Being assertive is crucial to my plan because I don't want to bring up my resentment towards him. I am doing well except that I don't know if he will realise he's missing out on his son's childhood. I feel bad for the little one only having me to rely on. He protested strongly lately when H trying to leave after a visit. I fear more of the future of him having to travel between two homes.

Updates after original post: started to pull away from H after he asked me not to text him. He also asked me not to get him any birthday present. And the. I saw him showing off a early birthday present on Instagram. He also stated that he's moving from his friend's couch to a rented room.

I stoped texting and giving him update about our son for a week. Except yesterday, when I came home from work and found that he cleaned the whole apartment for me. I also started asking him not to come on certain days so I can do my own things. I am being vague when he ask questions about me. It seems to bother him when I came home from work wearing an oversized jumper I borrowed from a colleague. I am secretly happy about it. I wish I know where he's at in his MLC journey. There's definitely anger coz he yelled when I make the most innocent mistake. He's quick to apologise tho. I found myself wanting to be away from him more. Because sometimes I don't really want to act as if all the time. I am mostly happy and upbeat when he's home, but I need sometime to sulk too. I am just as depressed. I admit I sometimes think it will be easier if I die of an accident and don't need to wake up to this everyday. That being said, I am never up for suicide. I hope I will never get that sad. I am keeping busy, seeing people, go out with my son everyday, and seeing a psychologist. I need more time and more ideas on how to look after myself and stop thinking about him.

Anyway, do give me some pointers my fellow DBers. I take the comfort in knowing there are many on the same journey, and I hope that our idiot halves will all come to their senses and face their demons rather than running away! Thank you for reading.