MrBam, I would agree, the text was her putting her wall back up.
Lt I guess I'm just so lost. You're right about the D thing. I don't understand why our W's use our D's against us or as an excuse to justify their actions. Honestly, and perhaps I'm being a fool and seeing what I want to see, I saw so much pain and hurt in my wife yesterday. I could see it in her eyes.
Hawker - the temp check thing slightly crossed my mind. I guess what made me think it was how she kept asking if I was seeing someone or was moved on. I think It's interesting how I said no, but W still didn't believe me.
How is this possible? How if it's true what my W said, why aren't we working toward something, anything?! If it's all lies why would she say them? Why not just take the "dim" and "dark" as ok cheesyt finally out of my life, lets move on. I was not expecting this...I was under the impression W was completely happy. All those times I came over for her to say "we are so much better without you" all that came crashing down yesterday. W is not ok but won't let me in. Not that I can fix all her problems, only W can do that when she's ready to face her life. W mentioned how she's so alone. I realize I thought she couldn't feel alone because of OW...Funny how that works. I actually feel so good and I'm physically alone. In a state without my family. It's just me. A 27 year old trying to navigate through life. I must keep reminding myself W is still a WW. W has so many issues to work through. And I know for a fact those aren't going to get worked through while she's half assing it because W is seeing someone.
This is what I truly believe in my heart, W wants me and our family. However, W is not ready for that. W mentioned how things are so unstable, D is having her own issues. W is broke (W felt inferior because I was making the money for 2 years while she was in school) Therefore, in the new year when W can get a job, and D is more stable and in counseling, perhaps around D's birthday day (april / one year of separation) we can and might work something out. Perhaps this is all wishful thinking, but again, once W has a stable job and W and D have stable lives is when W and I can have an actual chance. The real question, will CheesyT be willing? And will this actually happen? I can't speak for my future feelings but as of right this second, I'd be willing to do something. Work on something.
Now that W has zero access to my accounts, the one not question but maybe concern, will she eventually stop wondering what I'm up to since she cant make up stories in her head? or will not knowing be even worse? I kind of like that she kept tabs on me. It was quite a surprise.
Alright, This is my plan going forward, continue to be Dim / dark. I must and will continue to work on CheesyT. My gal, my running, my school, my work, the new relationships I have been making as well as the relationships I'd like to keep strong.
