I've been coming to the forum for over 2 years since the first BD, have read DR, posted under another account, but alas, I'm here in the Surviving the Big D section.
The book and this site did help me become a different and better person. I'm also amazed by all the wonderful, insightful and giving people on this board.
For background, my XW and I are both 47 and were married for 20 years. There are 4 children, S 16, S 14, S12, and D 10. She left just before Thanksgiving last year (second time) and our D was finalized in August. The D wasn't necessarily amicable, but we worked out the details in 4 hours of mediation so it wasn't as contentious as some. Texting is our mode of communication as we've only had a handful of conversations in the past year.
While D wasn't what I wanted, I can say that I'm doing well and am happy with the person I am becoming. I'm also amazed by my children and how they are handling things.
The reason I am posting is to get feedback on a situation I can see coming and for which I want to be prepared. We alternate major holidays each year and this year I have the children from Dec 21 until Dec 28. Today, I received a text from XW "Are you planning to travel with kids over Christmas?" I believe she or her parents are going to ask if it would be possible for them to have the kids on Christmas eve to celebrate at her parents’ house.
I love my former in-laws and they love me. Christmas eve at their house was always a tradition. My family lives 2,000 miles away and I won't be able to spend Christmas with them nor will they be able to be here. It will be just the 5 of us for the entire Christmas break.
My question is if asked, do I agree? I sincerely want to do what is in the best interest of my children. The only reason I can think to say no is because it is a ramification of getting divorced and that seems selfish and only serves to hurt my former in-laws and my children.
I didn't get to see my children for Thanksgiving nor Christmas last year and won't see them for Thanksgiving this year. Part of the reason that I didn't see them last Thanksgiving was because the former in-laws funded her leaving the state as my parents were traveling here to see us. I must admit that saying no enters my mind so XW can see how difficult those times can be without the kids.
