Me: 35 W: 32 MR: 2y T: 3.5y SS11 BD: 11/3/16 EA: 10/26/16 PA: 11/11/16 W asks for S/D & ILYBINILWY 11/13/16 Status: I moved out 11/19/16, GAL I filed for D: 12/14/16 D-day: 3/10/17
So I've decided to let my W have a piece of my mind. She has done nothing but walk all over me up til now and I'm done with that. It will definitely push her away, but I desperately need to gain some self respect. I've been like an abused spouse that just keeps coming back for more of her lies and disrespect. How could anyone respect someone like that? So I'm going to lay down some truth for her that she doesn't want to hear and probably won't be receptive too, but like I said this is for me not her.
The book says sometimes an angry reaction is okay so I'm going to run with that. I'm tired of the lies, her hatefulness, and blatant disrespect.
She can move out of the MBR and she can expect nothing from me except my half of the bills.
Me: 35 W: 32 MR: 2y T: 3.5y SS11 BD: 11/3/16 EA: 10/26/16 PA: 11/11/16 W asks for S/D & ILYBINILWY 11/13/16 Status: I moved out 11/19/16, GAL I filed for D: 12/14/16 D-day: 3/10/17
You think giving a piece of your mind will earn respect?
34, xw33 M-10, T-18 2D (8 and 5) Ilybinilwy-1/16 EA/PA- 7/15-present (with my former best friend) Trial apartment-2/16 (also when she considers us separated) W moved out-8/16 W Filed 11/21/16 D final 1/30/17
Me: 44 H: 44 Kids: 20, 16, 16, and 10 Together/Married: 22 years H announced he was emotionally detached and considering D: 4/4/16 H announced he is going to try to stay and reconnect: 5/1/16
And what kind of reaction/outcome are you expecting?
34, xw33 M-10, T-18 2D (8 and 5) Ilybinilwy-1/16 EA/PA- 7/15-present (with my former best friend) Trial apartment-2/16 (also when she considers us separated) W moved out-8/16 W Filed 11/21/16 D final 1/30/17
[quite=fightin]As long as I don't give her reasons to be angry with me and don't act like an emotional basket case, she has only herself to blame and be mad at. [/quote] I don't think this is at all the right attitude to have. DB isn't about 'not making her angry'. You can't really control her feelings. Why would you tolerate disrespect just to appease her? In my opinion, if she's texting OW, just leave. If she's talking about OW, stop her and say you don't want to hear it. SHE IS NOT YOUR BEST FRIEND RIGHT NOW. She is trying to HURT you. She has ZERO RESPECT for you.
Stop asking why she's disrespecting you. If she's texting OW, Say that if she does it in front of you, then you will leave. PROTECT YOURSELF.
You can do this, fightin. The key is to frame your thoughts around what you can control. YOUR thoughts. YOUR actions. YOUR emotions. YOUR words. YOUR reactions.
I'm thinking that letting her know the way she has been been treating me is unacceptable and that I'm not going to just wait around for her will clarify where I stand and then I'm following that up with actions. Until now I've been a sad sap just desperately wanting my W back.
Me: 35 W: 32 MR: 2y T: 3.5y SS11 BD: 11/3/16 EA: 10/26/16 PA: 11/11/16 W asks for S/D & ILYBINILWY 11/13/16 Status: I moved out 11/19/16, GAL I filed for D: 12/14/16 D-day: 3/10/17
I'm expecting nothing. At best I expect her to see that I truly know I deserve better than this.
Me: 35 W: 32 MR: 2y T: 3.5y SS11 BD: 11/3/16 EA: 10/26/16 PA: 11/11/16 W asks for S/D & ILYBINILWY 11/13/16 Status: I moved out 11/19/16, GAL I filed for D: 12/14/16 D-day: 3/10/17
I'm thinking that letting her know the way she has been been treating me is unacceptable and that I'm not going to just wait around for her will clarify where I stand and then I'm following that up with actions. Until now I've been a sad sap just desperately wanting my W back.
What actions are you going to take?
In general, I think it's best to just act and skip the "letting her know" part--unless you are planning to make a major change in living arrangements or finances. If you are, then I think giving her warning is best. If you give warning, be matter of fact. Keep it focused on what you will do, not how bad her behavior is.
Me: 44 H: 44 Kids: 20, 16, 16, and 10 Together/Married: 22 years H announced he was emotionally detached and considering D: 4/4/16 H announced he is going to try to stay and reconnect: 5/1/16
I agree with the others.... just do the acts. You can not blame them or point out their behaviors. You could say everyone is free to make their own choices..... And even though you are married, you do not own her and you are letting her go....
This way you are not blaming them... simply acknowledging they have the freedom to make their own choices....
I still struggle myself with this... My W made some choices.... I did not critique the choices.... just said she was was free to maker her own choices, I did not own her of course, and I said I was letting her go.....
H (me) 52, W 42 M 15 D14, S12 PA June and Sept 2016 Found out Sept, confronted Oct NC with OM since Oct, remorseful Dating since Nov
