Me and Mildlife and...III

[CT1118]

Son is with spouse this weekend. Went out with friends last night for an after work beer, the drove to meet different friends to see a band play that we all like. Good time.

I took today off to try and "catch up" on a number of things. Especially my journal about my sitch. It was an up and down week and I wanted to get it all written. Didn't work. Just felt particularly tired. Ate some food and fell asleep on my sofa for a few hours. It felt good, but wish I hadn't as now it is midnight and I am tired, not feeling sleepy if that makes sense.

You are doing a great deal of digging. It can be both a blessing and a curse. Change comes in TIME. It is much live a river in that it is fluid. As much as the digging will teach you things about YOURSELF. Be careful not to overdo it. Do not forget to take time for YOU to just “be”. To enjoy the things in life that are meant to be enjoyed….your son, nature, hobbies, etc.

Do not forget to “be”.

It is a blessing and a curse. And I think I did overdo it. I have wondered for over a week now if the once diligent and timely scripting in my journal which fell off two weeks ago is not my subconscious tapping out and murmuring "please leave me alone". I am trying to "be", not to forget, but to learn, because I never knew. And this is a confusing and frustrating position. I have hit it a few times, shows progress, but yeah, TIME.

One of the things I often get from well-meaning friends is "you don't deserve this", "it's not fair" and I'm sure that a lot of LBS arrive here singing that same song. I'm with you on this. You get what you get, there may or may not be a greater plan but you deal with what is in front of you and not moan that it's "not fair".

I too have heard the "you don't deserve this" from well-meaning people. I never recall saying or thinking that. While the word can be synonymous with earn, I don't feel that 'deserve' is applied the same linguistically. I think the word is fine when stating something like "The situation deserves your attention", but when applied to pronouns like "I" "you", etc, especially in situation perceived as being negative, I feel the word has a tone of judgement which is negative. Saying "you don't deserve this" implies the cause of what you don't deserve is wrong and not to be understood from the cause's perspective. Such statements are the rejection of seeking to learn interests or comprehend our ow position in the dynamic. How I view anyway.

Tomorrow is a new day, I got through this one.