Cherry. He's gone, and divorce is looking

[Cherry]

Thanks surfer, that is all very true and helpful. And yes, these lovey dovey couples do make me cringe a little. But I guess that is just a touch of jealousy, we know that we have had that once, and even in the most loving r's- it subsides with the real deal, which is trust, respect, love and understanding. Yeah I get that it's still a little sign of detachment wanting to know. I think that's my mind in general, I want to find logic where there isn't any! So I'm glad that I've an ic who is going to help me process this and improve me. I am getting there, the pain is less than it was, the reminders etc, they don't sting as much. He did say he liked my attitude and that he could sense im not a "why me" kinda lady. Which is true, even when faced with cancer, and everyone around me saying "why you", I would answer "why not me".

Grl, tbh, my thoughts are constantly pre occupied by a lot of renovations and redecorating of the house. There was quite a list of things that needed doing, but wh would just get too bogged down in the "where do I start" that we would never get anything done. I figured I needed to start somewhere, so I did! I've already started buying my gifts- I do love gift shopping, I give great gifts if I say so myself, and I love seeing everyone's faces as they open them. That coinciding with buying lots of baby things and preparing for the new arrival keeps me busy! I'm fortunate in a way I have so much on my plate, as it gives me something positive to tackle! I'll look forward to decorating the house, I love all the fairy lights around the place at Christmas. And I imagine I'll have quite a busy social calendar. Plus once Christmas is done with, I shall begin getting ready to take my maternity leave too, I've a good friend who's baby is due at the end of the year, so I'll have a companion on my leave to enjoy some days with. Last time, I was kind of scared to leave the house with baby on my own, and I didn't have any friends with babies, they were all off travelling the world or living the young free and single lifestyle- I guess I have part of the lifestyle, but certainly not the "free" type, and tbh, I'm glad about that! I'm an incredibly maternal person, and becoming a mother was my greasiest wish in life. I've no regrets starting a family young, i had already gone through so much prior to meeting wh. I've travelled the world, and will continue to do so with my babies in tow. I'd rather be anywhere with them by my side than travelling alone or with friends, or out drinking and hooking up with guys. And this is one thing that prevents me from being angry or saying "I wish I'd never met wh", because if I hadn't. Maybe I wouldn't be a mom, so for the babies- I'll always be thankful for meeting him just for that.