Cherry. He's gone, and divorce is looking

[JksD]

Cherry, I wonder too about the minds of wws but I have to thought- stop before I get into an ocd loop.

We will never really know unless they tell us. And even then, how will it help our anguish now?

I know what you mean about the holidays. I avoid the malls like the plague and stay off the tv.

How are you keeping yourself busy for the hols?

[Cherry]

Thanks surfer, that is all very true and helpful. And yes, these lovey dovey couples do make me cringe a little. But I guess that is just a touch of jealousy, we know that we have had that once, and even in the most loving r's- it subsides with the real deal, which is trust, respect, love and understanding. Yeah I get that it's still a little sign of detachment wanting to know. I think that's my mind in general, I want to find logic where there isn't any! So I'm glad that I've an ic who is going to help me process this and improve me. I am getting there, the pain is less than it was, the reminders etc, they don't sting as much. He did say he liked my attitude and that he could sense im not a "why me" kinda lady. Which is true, even when faced with cancer, and everyone around me saying "why you", I would answer "why not me".

Grl, tbh, my thoughts are constantly pre occupied by a lot of renovations and redecorating of the house. There was quite a list of things that needed doing, but wh would just get too bogged down in the "where do I start" that we would never get anything done. I figured I needed to start somewhere, so I did! I've already started buying my gifts- I do love gift shopping, I give great gifts if I say so myself, and I love seeing everyone's faces as they open them. That coinciding with buying lots of baby things and preparing for the new arrival keeps me busy! I'm fortunate in a way I have so much on my plate, as it gives me something positive to tackle! I'll look forward to decorating the house, I love all the fairy lights around the place at Christmas. And I imagine I'll have quite a busy social calendar. Plus once Christmas is done with, I shall begin getting ready to take my maternity leave too, I've a good friend who's baby is due at the end of the year, so I'll have a companion on my leave to enjoy some days with. Last time, I was kind of scared to leave the house with baby on my own, and I didn't have any friends with babies, they were all off travelling the world or living the young free and single lifestyle- I guess I have part of the lifestyle, but certainly not the "free" type, and tbh, I'm glad about that! I'm an incredibly maternal person, and becoming a mother was my greasiest wish in life. I've no regrets starting a family young, i had already gone through so much prior to meeting wh. I've travelled the world, and will continue to do so with my babies in tow. I'd rather be anywhere with them by my side than travelling alone or with friends, or out drinking and hooking up with guys. And this is one thing that prevents me from being angry or saying "I wish I'd never met wh", because if I hadn't. Maybe I wouldn't be a mom, so for the babies- I'll always be thankful for meeting him just for that.

[Surfer]

Cherry

Your IC will help. With the detachment though, TBH this comes from within, and only time and practice can help. Mainly time really. You just kind of recognise it happening TBH. Kind of like realising - oh, I don't seem to think so much about WS how weird. Almost too a kind of I don't give a sh!t too but not really because you do (bit weird). It's a nice feeling though I find you love them but you are almost impervious to their world in a way. IDK. Still have bumps but they seem rare now.

Might be worth talking with your IC about wider issues too? How you see you and previous Relationships etc. Don't forget An IC's opinion is just that. Sometimes to just talk and explore things helps you get it right in your mind. At times I think just posting on here is as good as anything. It's a very well educated forum on such matters.

I hope you are well this evening and your boy is happy and well too.

Surfer.

[JksD]

I like surfer's advice.

And Cherry, I love your GAL plans! And energy. Just reading the things on your plate makes me feel my age.

Cherry, you have a great attitude. You're so much younger than me but you've got such great tenacity and attitude. And wisdom.

Your babies are lucky to have you as their yummy mummy!

[Cherry]

Thanks surfer, I do feel I am getting better at the detachment, the distance really does help. But I'll be honest, there is still a bit of me that is attached; I'm not stressing too much about this, I know that this will come in time. And I will mention that too him, I did briefly mention my abusive ex prior to wh, and I told him how I think I seem to be drawn to people with problems so I can fix them. But I can't, I've learnt this the hard way- people have to fix them self. And you're right on this forum being a very educated one. Through reading, homework, the help on here, and mwd's books I have learnt a lot more about the mind and relationships.

Oh grl, believe me- I don't feel too energetic! I feel constantly tired! But it's my stubborn determination that gets me through! And that's a huge compliment about my babies! So thank you!

[Surfer]

Cherry

I don't know you. But I understand that part you have shown. You are SOLID. I am too. You know this.

Attachment takes time to let go of my friend. It will happen. I can't wait until you get to smile from inside again....and you will.

The ex etc is perhaps about wanting to fix and care - I think people have a 'giving' LL too!!! They can be different than recieving.

Anyway. You will be fine. Hope you are watching IACGMOOH?

[Cherry]

Thanks surfer! Yeah I will look forward for feeling genuinely happy and content again. There's a lot more days I feel a lot less sadness.
I forgot all about it! I was busy pampering myself for the week ahead and having a lovely peaceful bubble bath while the little one was asleep! I saw Larry lamb is on there, I have no idea why but I think I have a little crush on him!

[Surfer]

Yes. He's is literally old enough to be your Grandad! 70 nearly.

[JksD]

Hey Cherry, thanks for thinking of me and dropping by my thread.

Hope you and the little ones are well!

[Vanilla]

Thinking of you today

V