Hi Lana, You are 3 years in right? One thing, actually many things, strike me in your post.

First," he seemed broken " . My MLCer told me he felt broken, hollow, empty. It is normal to feel this way when you look at his choices. In his mind, he does not know why, he is fogged. We cannot not help them, their state of mind is : we are part of the reason they feel this way. This is Not a true statement to us but to him, it is.

2." his main focus is to make money and all his problems will be solved ". Obviously, money is his main concern right now.. Looks to me like the family is not on the radar at the moment. His priority is on himself. Trying to make his life easy.

3. My favorite statement is this one and I will tell you why.. "he was still irritable edgy sometimes which I felt walking on egg shells ".. THIS IS YOURS!!! This feeling is yours and you need to look deep into this one. It has been 3 years and your body gave you a red flag. I learned to listen to my body.

4. " I wanted to make it a special time for kids to see him and enjoy him." He needs to come forward on this one. I think it is very nice of you to want this for your children but if he is not in a good state of mind, it could back fire. Let him take action toward the kids.

5. " note he never apologized for anything he still feels a lot is my fault and sometimes he says he has to prove himself."
Independence day? no you, no mom, no friends, no children, only him. It is a good start on his part. Working to prove himself to himself. Maybe when he feels better about himself, he' ll be ready to present this new him to his family, friends, children..
Unless the proof he his looking for is to justify his abandonment of everyone? Time will tell on this one.

6. " although I miss our old days living back with him in this state will be pain so maybe living back home is much better for me and kids. " I agree. more time is needed.

7." As I can see nothing will work if he keep sabotaging my efforts ". You made it clear to him that you are there for him. He knows. It is his turn to re-connect or not. I would leave it for now. It will take as long as needed. I personally want you to live your life regardless of him coming forward or not. For now, it is you and the children. They are getting the love through you and your parents. I would not worry about him.

My last one.
8." I guess if I was the nasty wife stopping him from talking to his kids he would have been fighting me all the time to see them now I guess he does not care if we are well or not as if he is not responsible for any" Good observation. By removing himself, anything that goes wrong with you and the children has nothing to do with him right? how can he be RESPONSABLE when he is not part of it? If you let the situation of his MLC take you down, you give him the justification he is so desperately searching for. You were the reason he left. If you have financial trouble, he will use it to justify his departure. You go into depression, he will use it to justify himself... The kids rebel, he will use it....Get my drift? FOG! FOG! FOG!! he does NOT realise the impact of his actions. Maybe your financial situation was caused by you being the only provider for the family? Maybe your depression was caused by a major lost in your life or an over-load of responsibilities in a fragile emotional state? Maybe your kids are reacting rebelliously because they are angry or hurt??

Your Ex may or may not reach out to you. He may chose to fix things or he may chose to leave it all behind. Either way, you have given yourself to him. The door is open and you are NOT an obstacle if he choses to re-connect with you and your children.
Now I would let it be and deal with things as they come.

I would not contact. Let him do so and we'll see from there.