Look Who's Come to My Picnic

[bustingout]

Hi everyone,

It's been a long time. I hadn't realized how long..

For some reason I felt a pull to come to the boards yesterday and found out about Jack three beans. I burst into tears. He was extremely generous to me in my darkest times.

Prompted me to start looking though the threads. I read my earliest posts and my latest posts. All of the people that have come and gone over the years. All of the invaluable advice offered by people out of love, trust and respect, people we most likely will never see, but walk the path with in our most vulnerable times. This is one of the most authentic, loving and generous communities I have ever had the honour of being a part of. Thank you. And as Jack told me one time, it's not about thanking but about paying forward.

The very essence of this board.

i hope you are all well. Mach, Starsky, Cadet, LITB, job, 25, bustorama, AJM, Drew, Bright, Accuray....bug, zig, NLW, Mr Bond, Vero, NG, KG....I could go on and on. You all saved me. It takes a village...

Quick update on my stitch. I am really good. You do come here looking to desperately save your marriage. As Jack once told me, I didn't google how to become a better person, I googled, how to save my marriage. But it is about you. About saving you. Becoming a better version of yourself. About working from compassion and warmth, and not fear and anger. That is the little golden nugget of truth. And to change your focus from your spouse to yourself, when trying to save a marriage seems wrong. Counter- intuitive. And it's not.

And I was saved. And I am not done learning, growing and moving forward. This process does not stop. It should not stop. We should not stop knowing who we are.

My H and are still piecing. We are much further a long than a year ago, and this really is harder than I thought it would be. However, as long as I can continue to be true to myself and to him, and I still have the patience to piece, I will.

Starsky told me that he was seeing two versions of myself last year. One that got rattled up and lost her mojo when H was around. This was true. As I became more comfortable with my 'new' self, I could really feel the changes that had occurred in me over the past 5 years and made an effort not be afraid of putting into practice my new self. The confidence, the perspective and esteem I developed.

This I believe has helped my current status with my H. Despite the speed of our piecing it has been positive, respectful, fun, honest, loving, and growing. While we do have disagreements, they have not been filled with ugliness. We really do get to choose how we respond to others. We are in control of that.

For what it's worth, as I read through my stitch yesterday from the start on these boards, many emotions were felt. A lot tears came out for that woman and her kids that were in so much pain.

Time, faith in the process ( trust the process, right Cadet?), and patience, patience mostly with yourself, are key.

And for what it's worth, this morning I asked my H about a part of our stitch that happened in 2012. I wrote about it in painstaking detail on my thread. I can still remember what he was wearing at the time. He didn't remember it. He couldn't remember that he had stayed away from the kids for three straight months. He couldn't remember.

And such is the MLC mind.

He is still not fully baked...

My love to you alll.