In my opinion, there should be no such thing as an 'amicable' divorce when kids are involved. If there is enough good feelings to divorce amicably, then the people should be putting the effort in to repair the marriage. Its so frustrating to me how easy it is to get married and to get divorced and stories like this help reinforce that divorce is 'easy' and 'friendly' and 'good for everyone'. I found it disgusting.
Wonder if anyone else saw this and had any reaction to it?
This has me thinking a lot. I used to feel this way, however I no longer do. I have realized now that my agreement with this was largely in part due to my inability to detach from H. It was my strongest, and most convincing, argument for why we should work on the M. For why he should end his A and come back to me. We owe it to the children to at least try. "This is what we should do" actually translated to what I desperately thought I needed.
While in theory we all should work on the M for the sake of our vows and our children--and yes the work can be done, and yes love is a choice--I am still not sure you can ever "should" anything in relationships. There are no shoulds in love. And I want my relationships to be about love and not about obligation. While children are better off in families that are together, I think it can be as damaging to grow up and see parents living out of obligation to them, because it breeds resentment.
People are human and we are all imperfect. And, we all have different ideas about what we expect in our M and from our spouse. I don't think it's realistic that everyone should stick by each other because it is the right thing to do. Some of us need to let go and find something else in life. Many of us are here because our S left us for something or someone else. So we still can't quite let go.
So while the various explanations are unfortunate, and in an ideal world, "should" not happen, how is not being amicable a solution? We can all chose our M, we can all chose love, and I agree with that. However, we cannot force someone else to chose us or love us, but we can still be amicable with them.
Breakfast and flowers sounds a bit like pursuing. Being amicable for the sake of the children, I think that is hard, but necssary. If you are saying that there is "no such thing as an amicable divorce," my thoughts are that you still have some work to do on detachment.
Darknes, is it possible you have not entirely let go of your W? Or perhaps you are still holding on it the idea of her?
Blu
“Forgiveness liberates the soul. It removes fear. That is why it is such a powerful weapon.” – Nelson Mandela
