I'm fairly new to this right now but from a person who has just started to feel better.
Whatever you think is right.... don't do it. Get the DR book and read it. No contact will help you alot.
Start to concentrate on yourself and not us. She is only focusing on herself as unfair as that is, so it's time to focus on yourself. Spend as much time with your friends and kids. Get out of your house as much as possible. Speak to a therapist or counsellor.
She is not on your team. There is no team right now. Begin to accept this is you now. This is the new you for now.
M:33 W:31 T:16 M:8 D:6 BD1: Aug 2 16 BD2: Sept 4 16 EA/PA confirmed W Moved out: Oct 7 16 Currently seperated- her choice