One day at a time my dear. One day at a time. Just focus on the "now" and the "you".
Even though I got whacked over and over and over with 2X4 for it I have found my own adult children to be a great comfort to me on this journey. In my case (I believe) they know nothing of the A but have always been quick with real or texted hugs and I have asked them to share the joy they have in their lives with me which puts joy into my own. I hope your own adult children have been supportive of you. Just don't ask them to take sides - that is a choice they have to make for themselves.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells