I don't know that there's anyone here who hasn't backslid some when trying to detach and DB, but just keep trying to move forward and detach. It's going to be very hard, I won't lie, but once you start to reach it, things get easier.

IMO, you should set the boundary that your W moves out of the MBR since she's having an active affair if possible. It isn't you that's f'ed up your marriage and having an affair, so why should you move out of the MBR? At least, that's what I did with my W when her A was exposed.

Either way, good luck, we're pulling for you.

M 40 W 40
S 2.5
Together 13 years
Married 11 years
BD: 09/23/16
PA, then long Distance EA confirmed 9/30/16
Exposed A to OM's W 10/7/16
A ended 10/10/16