The seed beneath the bitter snows is me!

[2Times2Many]

Well, HaWho and kml, if he is planning to take me to his home planet, that would be a very interesting trip!

He has thrown out a couple of options (places we haven't been to before), which I checked out and agreed to. They both look like fun.

The whole thing is a little disconcerting because I have no idea what's going on his head and what he's trying to accomplish. A test to see if we still travel well together? A test to see if what he thinks he's feeling is the real deal? Time to persuade me to come around to his thinking re a D settlement? I have no idea. I feel like I'm on stage and don't quite know how I'm expected to perform. But, I'm just plain curious, so I'll take center stage and see what happens.

He talked about a trip we took where we sort of fell in love and I suspect he's trying to see if the "magic" will happen again. That's discouraging because there is too much water under the bridge for that to happen and I'm not "head over heels" anymore. I don't think he'll find the "magic" which is what he's looking for. He's looking for a spark and I just don't know if there is a spark in me ... too much skepticism about his motives.

But, hey, it's a cool trip and I will enjoy

I wanted to post a few things that were said while he was here. It may or may not help others dealing with a MLC spouse.

He said he knew he had screwed up. I validated (maybe I shouldn't have) and said I thought he had made some poor choices. I asked him why, once he realized that, he didn't try to walk it back or fix it. He said he knew when he made the decision to go forward and turn his EA to a PA, that he knew our R was over.

Basically, he was saying, that in his mind, he was closing the door on our R and it was over. My impression is that he now regrets what he did, but he blew it all up and now there's no turning back.

He went on to say that he knew he'd "do it again."

I find it sad that he thinks that way. It tells me he doesn't trust himself. But, on the other hand, it tells me that he doesn't want to hurt me again, so at least I know he does think about me ... that protection instinct is still there. I don't know if that helps anyone or not, but it's how my MLCer thinks.

Regarding living his life the way his friend suggests - stay M for finances but live separate lives - he said he didn't want to do that and implied that it wasn't the right way to do things. He said didn't want to be that kind of person.

I've made it very clear that my morals and my vows are still important to me and I've shown that by living my life (through this h3ll) in a way that shows that. I told him a while back that a lot of people would think I'd be justified in getting involved with someone else but I "couldn't do that." I could be way off base, but I think holding myself to a higher standard than he's succumbed to has resonated. My impression is that he admires that. I could be way off-base, but I feel like I can set an example that he can follow ... the lighthouse.

He told me that when he has a first date with a potential OW he always screws it up by telling her how great our R was. I asked him why he did that and why didn't he just keep that to himself. He said he wanted to be honest. Huh??

My take is that he sabotages the R before it even begins and if the OW is so dumb she can't see through it, she will get what she deserves ... the boot cuz she will start applying pressure. So I'd say to those who are dealing with an OW/OM, follow the advice here. Let OW/OM start applying the pressure. You can be the "safe haven" of sanity, patience and understanding.

I don't know if any of that applies to anyone else. All I can say is to stay strong. Be true yourself.

Like everyone here, I would love to save my M, but at some point you have to take of yourself and your kids (if any).

Best to all.

2T