I have a question re. Christmas and gifts. I normally do a little gift calendar for everyone in my family the 24 days up to Christmas. Should I do one for my husband this year or not? What about Christmas presents to him? The children and I are away so we won't be spending it with WAH (unless he wakes up before then) I imagine he is planning on spending it with OP somewhere exotic...
People in MLC do not act rational and/or normal because they are emotionally charged and many of they do not think that they have any issues w/depression once they've begun replay. You are dealing w/a man child who is thinking like a teenager which means they think that they will not have anything wrong w/themselves for a while.
The holidays are something that we touch on every year around this time. So, if you would normally do one for your h, then it's up to you to decide whether to do the calendar or not. As for the gift giving, I would purchase something that isn't too personal and put it in the children's names. I would also purchase something that you from you and if he doesn't give you anything, then return it to the store...but sometimes, they do purchase things for the LBS. Again, this is something you have to decide, but if you do something for him, do it in the spirit of the holiday and don't be too disappointed if he doesn't do anything for you, i.e., in other words, keep your expectations at zero.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
You dig deep for your inner strength, find something physical to do, i.e., beat a pillow until the stuffing comes out, go to the gym and really do a workout, weed the flower bed, anything that will help release some of the hurt, anger and disappointment of what has happened.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Yep - that's a kick in the gut. I've been fortunate that that's only happened to me once. I changed my route and then W moved.
You'll recover in time. I did and so has everyone else.
What helps me sometimes is (other than re-reading everything that job has ever written to me) is to remind myself that my W isn't well and that that is a big part of the life choices that she has been making.
We had a man who went by the alias of Jack_3_Beans who I was priviliged to know through this forum and through his words of kindness, wisdom, and occasionally "wake the f@ck up you idiot" that he would write to me. If you haven't read this I suggest you do so. I re-read it again today for the "I really don't know how many"th time http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2701017#Post2701017
Sadly we lost Jack recently but his words and message live on in his writings and in the hearts of those like me that he touched.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Job and AndrewP - thank you for being there...I have actually printed Jack_3_Beans words out myself and read and read and it does help a lot. I guess I just still find it so surreal that this is my lovely H who is doing this! He always thought guys who did what he is doing now were so sad and pathetic and now he has become one of those guys! If he "wakes up" will he ever be able to forgive himself???
I know how much it hurts (((HUGS)))) Remember OW are like bandaids they cover up the pain
The MLCer will affair down-the woman that will date married men are usually trash Many of them have psych issues or/with drugs or control Although they may seem euphoric in the beginning, they usually do not have fairy tale endings
Do whatever you can to take care of yourself Get support from others and keep posting
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
One day at a time my dear. One day at a time. Just focus on the "now" and the "you".
Even though I got whacked over and over and over with 2X4 for it I have found my own adult children to be a great comfort to me on this journey. In my case (I believe) they know nothing of the A but have always been quick with real or texted hugs and I have asked them to share the joy they have in their lives with me which puts joy into my own. I hope your own adult children have been supportive of you. Just don't ask them to take sides - that is a choice they have to make for themselves.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Thank you AndrewP and peacetoday. My kids have been a great support to me and have also been very hurt by their father's lack of interest in them ( his refusal to do anything to save our M) and the two younger ones did confront H after BD when he talked rubbish and tried to reason with him. As a result H distanced himself a lot from them and only asks to see the oldest son occasionally. So they are very hurt and angry but do understand that he is having a MLC and is not their old dad. All of them point blank refuse to have any conversation about GF and have let him know clearly. I think it makes it very difficult for H to have a normal conversation with S22 and S26 (D20 has NC with H at the moment) as it seems his whole life now involves GF... I don't know how to advise them on how to deal with the whole situation...they are very lost as well and I really want to help them but I think they worry about me too much!
