where to begin or end?

[sandi2]

Hi Jade, I just read your thread and it seems your W had an issue before getting M.

Great couple, 5 years in she has an EA with a coworker that strained our relationship until it died. We rekindled but i guess never tackled underlying issues,

By saying it strained your R, does that mean you continued dating or.......(were you living together at the time?).....knowing she desired another man? How long did it take the A to eventually die? Did they continue working together? Those underlying issues you never tackled, probably have very much to do with the current situation.

In the past couple of years or so, did your W do or say little things that felt disrespectful to you? Have you detected resentment, bitterness, unforgivness, or some other negative attitude?

Im holding to the thinking that all this hate toward me is because shes upset with herself and her actions.

I have read a lot of posts from H's who have a WW, and there's several things the LBH'S have in common. One of those things is that the inexperienced H of a WW gives her way too much credit in the beginning...........and, I've noticed he has no clue about her mindset. In short, she is NOT upset with herself or her actions. The WW feels justified. Therefore, all that hate toward you........is b/c that's how she currently feels. But let me add, she is operating from her emotions. Logic is not in charge! That means you will not be able to reason with her.

She is consumed with selfishness. If you'll observe, you will see how she wants everything/everybody to bend over for her. Whatever the circumstances, if there is nothing that benefits her.......then she's not interested. Selfishness is her motivator.

She is a user and a great manipulator. She will use anyone (even her own children) to get what she wants at any given time. Mostly, the H is manipulated by her, b/c he loves her and is wanting to save the M. He misinterprets, and wants to believe it's all working to get her closer to returning to him.

She is a great actress. The H will see her Oscar winning performances. It is important that he learns about her new characteristics, so he won't be duped by her manipulation.

The H of a WW cannot get good enough to win her back. As long as he is trying to win her back, she will treat him badly. The WW doesn't desire her H........until she thinks she is losing him.

During this time, you cannot trust her. If she has not filed, I'd say it's b/c she is using you as her Plan B.