New to the Boards. Marriage in Crisis.

[Chris73]

Thanks all.

I think dropping it is a good idea. I think my W's objection is that she doesn't feel very photogenic given our current dynamic. I don't know if that means that she doesn't want to force a smile or she doesn't want to look back years later and feel like the pictures look fake, knowing what we were going through at the time.

But the other side of it is that we haven't taken good, professional pictures of our kids for 2 years. They look a lot different now and certainly won't look like they do now for much longer. So I'd like to capture that, even if I'm not capturing the whole family.

We have another MC session next week. I think I'll bring this up and see if our therapist can help us navigate the emotions on both sides.

Meanwhile, I'm feeling remarkably positive and inspired today. I'm making changes in myself that I should have made years ago, long before there were any problems in my marriage. It stinks that so much suffering had to happen to get me here, but I can't look back now. I'm not giving up. I'm really starting to feel like my old self.

So here's my next question for the group:

The weekend is coming up and I would like to start going to church again on Sundays. It's been over a year since we stopped going, mostly because obligations with sports for my son, but our schedule is free now.

I've written a script for telling my W about going to church and I'm practicing it in my head.

Please let me know what you think:

1. Initial statement after getting her attention:

"I'm going to church on Sunday morning."
(not, "I'm planning to go" or "I would like to go")

2. Follow up, inviting her to go:

"It would be really nice if we could all go together"

3. Immediate no guilt, no pressure follow up:

"I understand if you'd rather not"

4. Finishing up by asking for what I want:

"But I'd like to take the kids with me either way"

No more words after that.

If she says ok...discussion over.

If she says "I don't want to go but you can take the kids"...discussion over.

If she objects to me taking the kids, I simply ask why, but don't argue.

What does everyone think of this approach?