Struggling

[fightin]

hawker, so sorry to hear of your struggles as well. Yes, my friends are trying to be supportive of me working through this the way that I am, but they don't understand it at all. They know I deserve better. Well so do I, but what they don't understand is like you said, my W is not the woman I married and fell in love with. I deserve way better than this new person she has become, but I believe my W is still in there and that is what I'm fighting to save.

I've had stupid moments where I have let my emotions get the better of me, but that is what I am working very hard on stopping. Like last night as she text the OW right in front of me several times after she was the one that made the rule she wouldn't do that. I confronted her about not respecting it to which she replied "Oh I'm respecting it quite a bit." in a very hateful way. I asked again that since she made the rule why and she just shrugged so at that point I just said "ok" and walked away. Her disrespectful behavior is on her and I'm doing my best to not engage in arguments and not give her any reason to blame me or feel pushed away.

We had our son last night and tonight so I'm going to a doctor's appointment this afternoon to finally get back on my meds, and then I'll be going to the gym and heading home. I'm trying to not disrupt our son's life as much as possible. He is her son from a previous R so she will be home too. All I can do at this point is be the best me possible for the sitch and hope and pray the W I know and love sees the W she once knew and loved. If she doesn't though, then I can walk away knowing I tried everything I could.

I honestly think the guilt is killing her, and that is why she's being so hateful. As long as I don't give her reasons to be angry with me and don't act like an emotional basket case, she has only herself to blame and be mad at.