Not as sad-Part 2

[Vanilla]

That's LRT as a strategy.

Mona Lisa smile.

V

[Molly22]

I have got to get over this stuff.

I feel almost evil. I know I don't owe him anything and he has made his choices. I also know he is feeling insecure and sad right now because he thinks I am seeing someone. He was in my house again yesterday. I knew he was going to be because DD is sick and it was his turn for visitation. However, I had laid down some ground rules. He ignored and I came home from work and his underwear and socks were on top of my garbage can because he had showered again. He has also dug through stuff to look for clean clothes. I called him out on it because it's inappropriate. He made more comments about the guy he believes me to be dating to which I didn't respond but I am now awake at 4am because I feel bad that he is wondering what I am doing. WTF is wrong with me? Geez. WS has a four year affair and I feel guilty because some guy from my support group is coming to hang my Xmas lights on Sunday.

I need to get a grip.

[Vanilla]

Molly

Sweetie please you don't have to do anything. OK?

Instead of got to, must and should try choose.

I choose to get over this stuff.

Less resistance to the message.

------------------------------------

It feels unfamiliar that's all, out of your comfort zone that's all. Enforcing your boundaries inot this way is new to you.

It's ok, you aren't yet committed to WH. Use LRT, it works for many posters.

Relax, breathe.

It's all part of the process.

V

[Vanilla]

Oh and itching powder in the underwear.

Lol!

V

[j20a00g]

What are the consequences for the boundaries being broken?

[Vanilla]

Itching powder in the underwear.

V

[Molly22]

Itching powder sounds like a great idea. I just threw them in the garbage because I was not doing his laundry. It's hard to find a consequence that works for me because he just ignores them or he retaliates(like he won't pay the mortgage if he can't use the house). I'm not prepared to file a legal separation at this time. I've asked him to take DD elsewhere for visits which he kind of has been doing but he always comes back to the house with her. Her having special needs throws out some challenges that I am not prepared to deal with.

It [censored] a bit right now. Although I still feel pretty centered and okay, I am having some pretty serious health issues and he would have been the guy I reached out to. Talking to him yesterday about child care arrangements and I realized that he isn't in there any more. Either I saw something in him that wasn't there or he has changed so much that he just isn't who I thought he was. I don't really care for the person he has become.

GAL stuff today: taking a few days off. Therapy today. New tattoo today.

[doodler]

New tattoo today.

Molly,

Have you already decided on the design?

[Molly22]

Yes. I am mostly tattooed. I always have plans for the next one.

[j20a00g]

Why does he still have clothes there? Pack it all up and give it to him.

Molly,
Couple of the many reasons that you may not like the person he appears to be right now:
1. You really may be figuring out who you want him to be and it's not him
2. You have negative sentiment override and no matter what he does right now you will view it as a negative

This is again where detaching helps. Detaching isn't about flooding your mind with negatives to try and make a separation easier. Some of your comments lead me to believe that this is happening.

He's not the enemy. He may be a $&@% right now but this is a scared man that you once loved like no other. I'm not in any way saying his behavior should be excused but, I doubt he's really enjoying this.