was or what 8

[roist]

Had a bad evening yesterday.Came home from work and everyone was in foul humour. Not at each other. Just foul. I have other stresses at the moment so maybe I wasn't as resistant as usual.

Within minutes of getting home I had to separate the boys each to their room as together they were too boisterous. After that things just accumulated one little thing on top of another.

I have one pet hate with my W that triggers me. She ocomments on, or gives advice on how I should handle things with boys. That is OK except she does so in front of the boys, which I feel is undermining.
# I make one leave the table for a time put to calm downso he can behave properly. She commented he is too tired and will be like that until bed. He did his time out and behaved better for rest of meal.
# later I rowed with same son about bedtime and moreso who'stturn it was to put him to bed. (Each night I put one to bed and my W the other. The following night we alternate). Again my W made a remark and wanted to discuss it there and then. I said I would not discuss it now as I was putting him.to bed. I could have avoided arguing with son and getting cross with W, by letting her put him to bed. But I don't believe it is healthy that son dictates stuff like that.

There are other examples. I have let W know about this undermining my authority as father. Her butting in shows kids she rules the nest. I have always been open to her advice and opinions on parenting.I am just not open to doing so in front of the children. Am I over reacting. Regardless it is something that I have voiced several times, so that triggers me most.

I distracted my son by chatting about something. We chatted a long time during which he calmly got ready for and into bed. Guess I am not that bad as a dad!

When I came down I was still a little mad. So I went down into home gym to sweat it out. When I came up I treated myself to a soak in the bath. I sat with W for a few minutes but preferred to go off and do other stuff. She came to see me and asked about none important stuff. I wasn't fully engaged and she asked if something was wrong! My filters were down so I replied there are a lot of things wrong. She didn't go down that road to explore my reply but did ask if I would prefer to do something else. I said no.

I can blame stresses. I can chalk it down to a bad day. I could even excuse it by saying that two years of our situation wore me down. Yes I think my W played a big factor in my mood. But it was my mood. I am not happy with my comportment as it reminded me of the passive aggressive avoider that I used to be.

Through all the negativity I realise that my W coming to me and posing those two questions IS a huge positive. I was unable to profit from it but I sure do appreciate it. This morning I looked her in the eyes and thanked her for asking if anything was wrong.

Maybe my W is not able to get my perspective at the moment or maybe I have not being able to explain it amply or in a manner she could hear. But if anyone has any tips on how to broach my pet hate with her in a constructive manner, I would appreciate it. I have been looking up different ways of communicating and maybe I have not being using the best ones.

If my attitude appears off, please let me know. Rereading this and NY use of the term "butting in" struck me. I try to see her actions as being well intentioned and in our sons best interest. Maybe it is the manner it is done or maybe I am blinded by other stuff, but it doesn't feel like a team effort.More so the manager telling the supervisor his job in front of employees.

In so many things and ways I think we feel the same frustrations and unhappiness. We want what is best for our boys. But we cannot align ourselves as a team. I have mentioned this a few times. Has anyone any suggestions on how to pull as a team instead of individually together?

Thanks for listening.