I wasn't going to post today. I thought maybe I shouldn't be posting so much anymore. But I guess this is a comfort zone for me to spit out stuff I need to get out of my head.
The plumber has stopped the insinuations and says he really wants ot get to know me better and we are going out on Tuesday. He was not inappropriate in person at all, and I am sure this second date will tell me a lot.
I've been thinking about how to forget someone you once loved. How do you do that? It's weird, I never had to forget my ex, although I often wanted to. I know someone has ridded me of his thoughts, as he should, but I don't know how to do it myself. I realize my feelings are hurt by being forgotten about. And by forgotten about is not thinking about me anymore. I took some sort of crazy solace in knowing he still thought of me, but know that time has passed, one of us has forgotten about the other, but not the other one, it's kind of rough. I am just figuring out how to deal with it, because I am seriously done with this situation. It's just something knew for me.
That being said, I am killing myself with GAL so I don't have to deal with life, lol. I am on the run constantly, gym every night, I am even going to a volunteer orientation for a mission next week so that I can volunteer on my very little bit of free time. I am just having a hard time being still because I honestly don't want to deal with the feelings I am having lately. I'd just rather not.
We went out to dinner with my dad last night and we had discussed me a little. he was having an argument with his cousin which led him to tell his cousin all I do on my own. (long story). My dad told me how proud of me he is. He said he knows how lonely I am, and tears began to flow. I told him I cry myself to sleep most nights, and instead of criticizing or trying to fix, he gave me empathy. He looked in my eyes with sadness for me and said "I know" I promise you, this isn't the end to your story, it will happen for you, and when it does, it will be RIGHT" It meant a lot to me.
So, I am just trying to ignore my feelings and not deal with them for a little while. That may sound dysfunctional, but I think it's what I need to get by for now.
