Apologies for delayed response, I thought the thread went unanswered.
I didn't come to this psychologist for marriage counselling, I went because I was getting anxiety attacks. A "real" diagnosis doesn't come without the person in question being evaluated. I had 4 sessions where I spent almost all my time re-living the marriage and the separation.
The psychologist explained to me about this behaviour. The way my ex wants nothing to do with me but will come back and try to re kindle the moment she suspects I'm moving on. The way she goes OFF and started drama when she found out I was dating almost 3 years later and then disappears again the moment she feels safer having ruined my time with another person.
I also came to better understand the relationship with her same sex partner. My ex may not be gay, may just be bi sexual but she latched on to this OW because she needs a third person with a triangle. She made herself to be the victim, this woman became her "white knight" and I was the villain. Before her, there was probably another but I don't know about it. I also learned that I used to be on the other side of that triangle. Her ex was a deadbeat dad she'd chase for child support until I came in and accepted to support her in our new family. I was the rescuer, he was the villain.
I spent over 2 years in a weird relationship limbo because she made sure to keep me stringing along just enough. In time, anxiety attacks came in full swing and it cost me a relationship with someone I had begun dating.
With counselling, I'm learning how to understand her mind games. I'm learning how to build boundaries and closure with a person who understands no such thing and is doing her best to keep me in her sick little triangle. I used to envy that OW so much but now I suspect she's living the kind of life I once was. It wasn't fun. I didn't understand what I was experiencing so I spent years trying to "fix the problems".
I'm going to be purposefully single for a while until I understand myself and why I let myself live like that for so long.
I hope this answers your questions.
Resentment occurs when we aren't doing what we need to care for ourselves, though we expect others to do it for us.
