Me and Mildlife and...III

[CT1118]

As long as you don't do crappy things to derive pleasure, I think you are all good.

I have a full docket these days between kid, school, and work But I decided I wanted to use my few free hours a month to volunteer. I admitted to my IC, it was also self-serving, as in, hey, maybe I'll meet a decent guy who is also altruistic, or maybe I would make some new friends in the process of giving back to my community. My IC thought it was a wonderful idea and she said what I said to you. Everyone wins! Let's face it, not many people give back on their own will for purely selfish or selfless reasons. There was a "Friends" episode about that:)

Thanks Ginger, I like that possibility. I do believe another big revelation for me this week was that point about creating problems to prove myself bad. Then I began to consider if I am still doing this. I am not sure that I am, but I am still looking around in me. For a long time, if not most of my days, I really did believe I was a bad person. But I would do all of these good deeds and good things would happen to me. But believing myself bad, I would behave with other actions to remind I was bad. The truth is, I'm not a bad person, and I don't need to convince myself of that anymore. Yet here I am with all these piece in play that were designed to make me feel good. I guess it led to a bit of crisis of motivation for me yesterday.