CaliGuy...I don't think that my happiness depends on hers, I just like doing things for her. While I do think that a healthy relationship is two ppl giving of themselves unselfishly to each other, I know now that ours isn't like that. As stated earlier some are givers and some are takers. I do think that somewhere in the back of my mind I have been disappointed by her lack of giving in our relationship...not of materialistic things, but of herself. She is willing to give 100% of her time and energy to everyone who asks...just not to me.
A friend's H said he couldn't believe how much time my W spent volunteering. She told him that she can because SBJ picks up all of the slack for her and allows her to do it. Again...I do for my family because I can and I want to, but I realize now that she has abused that and taken me for granted. Maybe detaching will allow her to see that...or better yet, it will reinforce that to me I need to focus on me and my kids.
I am just trying to see if you had some of the issues I did. Reading a bit of your sitch I see a good chunk of mine there if you can see where I am going with the question I asked.
For me, I was not good at stating what I wanted/needed in the R, this lead to covert contracts and I was the one whom wound up a bit frustrated at BD not understanding how I did almost everything for her and it still was not enough. The mirror work started there and I discovered a TON about myself with the help of these prodding, persistent, sometimes PAI vets who really get where the root of some serious issues were for me.
