The seed beneath the bitter snows is me!

[2Times2Many]

Thought I'd post an update (and jot a few things down that I don't want to forget).

Thanks for your posts, Job and Esame.

Surprisingly, I didn't need the STFU smoothies or the duct tape this time.

H was here a week and I must say it was the closest we've come to interacting with each other in a normal way in years. The stress/anxiety level was very low and I was pleasantly surprised.

I was able to confirm that he is taking an anti-depressant, so maybe that has something to do with his change in mood.

In the good old days, there were several dishes that H always cooked that I really enjoyed. He asked what meals he could make for me that I'd missed and he cooked two of them.

We had one relationship talk (which he brought up) a couple of days before he left. When talking about a D settlement, he was more reasonable. He floated a few ideas and I was just honest with him. I told him what I needed and why and pointed out he would do the same. I ended up saying I'd mull over his proposal and get back to him, but felt like we were making some progress. His reply .... there's no hurry; take your time. I was a little surprised as there seemed to be a great deal of urgency a few weeks ago.

In any case, I feel a little relieved that we were able to have a productive discussion and he wasn't so adamant about having everything his way. I don't feel like I'm about to go to war and that has taken a lot of stress off me. Hope it continues that way.

A few things I learned ...

He remarked at one point that he was tired of people telling him what he should do. I knew I hadn't done that so I asked, "Who's telling you what to do, if you don't mind my asking?" He said the OW was telling him he shouldn't be like his friend (whom I mentioned before .... still married, hasn't lived with his W in years, has a long-term GF and he and his W have no desire to D for money reasons.) I figured OW was what all the D urgency was about. Then he said his friend was telling him he was crazy to get a D. He didn't offer anything more and I didn't ask, so I have no idea where pushy OW stands at the moment. My gut says that has faded.

I just replied that it's okay to listen to what others suggest but to keep in mind they don't walk in your shoes and they can't possibly know everything that goes on in your mind. I told him that in the end, the only one who can know what's best for you is you. He agreed.

We had a few convos that were more personal in nature and we also talked about where we wanted to go in life (after D). I was very candid about what I needed to do and what path I intended to follow. Without actually saying it, I subtly let him know (again) that this wasn't the path I would have chosen for myself, but I plan to make the best of it.

I asked what he wanted to do with his life and he responded he had no idea.

Bottom line, it was like two good friends sharing stuff. It was kind of nice.

He got a little frisky and flirtatious a couple of times and planted a couple of kisses on me when I wasn't expecting it.

Just an over-all good visit. I actually enjoyed having him around. He's calmed down, but I suspect the AD has a lot to do with that.

There was a time that I would have found such a positive interaction a reason for hope, but I've walked that road before only to be disappointed. I'm no where near ready to let my guard down. He has a lot to prove to me before I'll do that. In the meantime, I just keep moving forward and making plans for how I want to live my life in the future.

One interesting thing that does have me curious, though. I checked his itinerary for the next visit home (I have his ok to check that account) and discovered he booked his flight to leave here a few days before Christmas. I half expected that, but it still stung.

Anyway, I sent him a text and said I was sorry to see he wasn't going to be here for Christmas and added "I have to admit I'm a bit disappointed" and that Christmas wouldn't be the same without him. I thought long and hard before sending that message and decided it is pretty much what I'd say to any family member or good friend under the circumstances and went ahead and sent it.

I got a somewhat cryptic reply about having to get a flight booked and it could be changed and he had been working on a plan. He said he planned to be here for Christmas and added, "trust me."

I replied back that it would be great to have him, but don't change his plans just for me and that I certainly didn't want to pressure him to be here.

When I talked to him the next morning, he brought it up and said he was working on something but wouldn't know for sure for a couple of days. And again said he would be here for Christmas.

Okay. We shall see.

I'm headed to my son's for a visit this weekend and will be going to a family reunion for Thanksgiving.

Still enjoying my football.

I've cut back time at the office a bit so I have a bit more leisure time and that's nice. I just have to avoid the mall. Not a good place for me to be during "leisure" time - especially when I have the urge to do so redecorating and Christmas is right around the corner.

I hope everyone is doing well.

2T