where to begin or end?

[AndrewP]

jade - There's some information in the reading about "boundaries". It's difficult to do especially if your W is probably going to stomp right over them the first few times you erect them.

Having your balls doesn't mean being mean or vindictive. It means clearly defining what you will and will not accept. The tricky bit to make boundaries work is that when those are violated there need to be consequences and the consequences have to be something you are prepared to do.

A good example that a number of people have done is when their spouse will spew nastiness to them is to set a boundary that they won't accept being talked to that way. They will calmly state that and then remove themselves when their spouse persists.

I'm not sure how much time you spend here (I spend far too much even after all this time) but watch for sandi2 posting on other people's threads - she's got great advice on how to set and maintain boundaries.