Going no contact (NC) is the way to go. It's evident from your posting that he doesn't want to be reminded of what he's done and left behind. What you've been doing is called "pursuing" and when they are in crisis, they consider that a way of reining them in and reminding them of what they've left behind and actually can create more guilt on their part for their behavior.
If you only gave it 2-3 weeks, I can see where it wouldn't work. You've got to remain in the NC mode and only contact him if it is an emergency. Allow him to come to you and then follow his lead in conversations. Let me put it this way and hopefully it will help you. Think of a skittish kitten or colt. The more you attempt to catch them, the more they run in the opposite direction. If you allow the kitten or colt to come to you when they are ready, then they will slowly but surely come up to you...but you still need to be mindful of the interactions w/them in order to keep them coming back again and again.
How can your h miss you if you are contacting him? He can't. He can't work on himself if you are contacting him because his focus is on avoiding you and not on himself. If he contacts you, be pleasant/civil and do not have relationship discussions w/him at this time. If he brings up divorce, advise him that you need time to adjust to how things are and going to be before getting into an indepth discussion about divorce. Do not bring divorce up on it will definitely be on his radar!
Last edited by job; 11/09/1608:50 AM. Reason: Added a link to another thread
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
