I feel so hopeless again. I'm trying so hard to move forward but I feel like their is a mountain in the way and I'm having to go around and it's taking such a long time. I jut don't want to do this anymore....
If it helps at all Coly23 know that you are very much not alone on this. I hope that these aren't echos of my own doubts that are echoing in your head.
There were a few things that were said to me at this similar stage that helped me - maybe they'll help you. - Is your life much different standing vs not standing? Live your life for yourself and not dependant on this question. - You don't have to decide everything right now. Make your choice of standing vs not standing one day at a time. If you do wake up one morning and KNOW that you are done and that you won't change your mind, then on that day you're done. I believe that for both of us that that day isn't today.
Yes there's a mountain in front of you just like there is in front of me. Maybe we need to look in a different direction. There's a lot more landscape out there to explore and while it is pretty much the most important thing ever, there is more in the world than love. There is also joy. I remember on the morning after BD2 that I made the conscious decision to find and cherish one thing of Joy each and every day. This morning it's lifting the spirits of a dear friend and a warm cat on my lap (Two bits of joy!)
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
