I like Sotto's changes, but I would remove the sentence saying you are "sure" your son will have lunch with her. It goes against the idea of letting him choose. Maybe instead suggest she contact S directly about lunch?
Me: 44 H: 44 Kids: 20, 16, 16, and 10 Together/Married: 22 years H announced he was emotionally detached and considering D: 4/4/16 H announced he is going to try to stay and reconnect: 5/1/16
Thanks for the advice and the changes. S has told me that W is going to be away visiting her parents all weekend which means she won't see him before Tuesday which is his birthday. It's a busy working day so S will have to arrange some other time if he wants. He has told me that he has no interest in having a meal all together. I've told him I'm not going to interfere with his R with his mum so he can do what he feels comfortable with. She won't be thrilled but she can't have everything the way she wants. S and I have a great R at the moment and I'm going to lose that talking constantly about his mum.
Hi W I hope things are going well for you. At the moment, it doesn't work for me to meet up as if our relationship hasn't changed. I hope your relationship with S does improve and I'll always encourage him in that. As for his birthday I'm happy to do whatever he chooses. I think he doesn't really want to do something together so maybe you should try to arrange something for you with him directly. Take care, Scrant
Sent it to W. No response except a comment on a PS I attached about S's phone. In other words the silent treatment which suits me. Sotto, I'm running some more races. On Saturday I'm running a 21km, S will be helping out at the finish line. Otherwise socially it is very quiet. Last weekend I was away for a couple of days where I met new people who do the same part time job as me. We worked hard but had a lot in the evenings. Now back to the routine of working, looking after S and a bit of TV.
Just checking in and journaling. I did the run, finished the race in a PB. S was helping out at the finish line and gave me a hug. Next day our photo appeared in the local paper. W saw it and congratulated us. Celebrated S's birthday with him but without W. He sees his mum for the odd quick meal together or car ride. She keeps changing her profile pic on social media to her smiling in various places but apart from that I know nothing. S is working hard at school and is good company at home. I'm busy at work. The hard side is after a year she's still very much in my thoughts and I fight the urge to get in touch. She was my best friend and I miss her in my life. Can't change things and it doesn't get easier.
Well done with the race Scrant, and nice to get a congratulatory hug from your S. I do feel it is sad that your W has such limited contact with your S. But I guess she chose her current path and this situation is a product of that.
As for what she may be doing - who knows Scrant. She may still be all loved up in the R with OM, or it may be waning....or whatever....but know this - focus on that is a lose/lose situation for you.
The winning scenario is for you to genuinely rebuild your own life after her departure. To feel happy within yourself and accepting the current situation. That does take time, but it can be done.
If we don't do that, I feel that even if we reconciled we knew we weren't really okay without our spouse and so that worry may always be there. We needed them to complete us. We don't feel whole and healed without them. I do think GAL and truly moving forward with your own plans in whatever form is key to this.
I'll be honest, I'm really not that interested in her and whatever she may be up to. And that's the same for any poster here. I'm a little 'meh' about the spouse who walked away..
However, I'm really interested in you and how you cope, survive, rebuild, thrive at this time in your life. Is it time to set some goals do you think? Goals that are all about you?
:)x
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Thanks for the support Sotto and everyone who takes the time to read. Yesterday I had the first contact for a while with W. Every month we normally have some sort of disagreement over her contribution to her S's education and upkeep. I emailed her and said I hoped S was keeping her up to date with his activities while I ran through expenses. . She fired back an angry email saying I knew that S didn't tell her anything ( not true), she hardly ever saw him and what about her rights as his mother? She's worried she's losing contact with him and that he takes no notice of her. She said when she left home she didn't abandon him but let us live in the house so as to try to minimize the pain she knows she caused me. She said it has been painful for her and continues to be so. She complained that she only saw her son for a week in the summer and surely legally she deserved more. She finished by saying we'll talk more if that is ok with me. After rereading I noticed that the whole email was about her, nothing about how anyone else feels, especially her son. Last year she announced she was leaving a week before his fifteenth birthday. He's sixteen and free to choose how much of a relationship he wants with her. He is a kind and friendly boy with me and those around him but sadly he wants little to do with her. Today he went for lunch with her but reluctantly. As for her claims that she is still in pain, well she seems to be smiling every time she changes her phone profiles. I haven't replied as I don't want to get into a war of words which will go nowhere. This weekend I've a long nighttime race which could be wet and windy! Have a great weekend everyone!
Hi Scrant, interesting contact from your W - and as you say, it's all about her, and also failing to appreciate the impact her recent (questionable) choices have had on her life.
You may be interested to have a look at Irish's thread in the MLC area of the forum. His circumstances are similar to yours, though he has two D's and is D'd. His XW is initiating the same kind of contact that yours is.
I think you may be right that no response may be the way to go. I imagine she may feel what she feels no matter what you say, and you don't really want to get involved in a back and forth emailing exchange about this.
Hope your race goes well this weekend and the weather is kind to you! :-)
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Just stopping by. I read the thread Sotto mentioned and am impressed with how so many of you deal so well with such difficult situations. Race went well despite the weather. S prepared a nice hot bath for afterwards which was nice. I haven't replied to W after her email. S has been to the doctor and will have to have X-rays next month. I hope it is just an infection and nothing more serious but it is a bit of a worry. W knows about it but we haven't spoken. I find myself feeling incredibly sad these days. Is it normal to feel a bigger sense of grief a year on? We haven't met since the 1st of August and I miss be able to chat with her about S and life in general. Her last email saying things are still painful for her has unsettled me even though I know she probably doesn't really mean it. After all she has a new life and man! I know these moments pass, that there is nothing I can do to change anyone but myself. Feel like I'm not really making progress.
