Taking another dolly step...

[AndrewP]

One thing that was suggested to me was to read 5LL multiple times. I know that for me my answers to the quiz at the back changed as the loss of W became less raw. I'll probably read it for a third time in a month or so as I continue to heal.

You yearn for what you've lost but what you've lost might not be what you actually needed. Certainly true for me.

[Coly23]

I'll do that Andrew. At the moment I've lost my oomph and I don't seem to have much enthusiasm for reading books like DR and 5LL as I keep reading things I should have done or the way I should have behaved but it all seems too late now.

I just need to bite the bullet and read them both again. DR just to refresh my mind and 5LL to find out a bit about myself and H (just in case)....

[ForGump]

H gave me a kiss (on the lips) and a hug and then another kiss (on the lips) and hug before I got into my car

What???

Woohoo!!!

[Coly23]

Hey Gump, how are you?

Do you think that's a good sign? IDK, I really want to say to him can we start again, no expectations, no pressure. I'm seeing him again for coffee this week and again I am going to ask him if we can just keep it to ourselves. Hopefully without the pressure of friends and family we can both relax a bit and just see where it goes.

Or maybe I am reading too much into it...

[Sotto]

Hi Coly, I wouldn't have any of those convos with him. They are R talks. Truly, sit back and let him initiate anything like that. And if he does, validate. Other than that, act as though you are meeting a colleague/neighbour for an hour for coffee. And if you don't think you can manage that, postpone and suggest you leave it for this week and let him initiate a further meeting if he wants to..

[Coly23]

Hey Sotto, no I won't speak to him about R stuff but I will ask him to keep our meeting to himself again though. I think it just make it easier if no one else knows in case they start interfering!

[peacetoday]

Coly

I agree with Sotto
Keep it simple..No R talks or anything that appears like pressure or control

look great ,upbeat and fun

They have to want it
and Ive heard it has to start as friendship a new friendship

I think pursuing in any way is a turn off for them
while
authenticity, happiness and confidence is attractive
hope the coffee goes well

[ForGump]

Don't know if it's a sign ... just sounds great in that moment ...

Wish you well

[Coly23]

Thanks Peace. I guess I do want to be his friend but I'm worried that is all he will want and it isn't what I want. That's when the fear starts to get me and I start to panic.

It's such a delicate balancing act, I'm exhausted just thinking about it and I'm just constantly looking at the negative side of everything. My D said to me today that H talks about me a lot when they are out but she usually doesn't say anything to me because I don't see it as being positive! And that's from a 15 year old!

I need to start thinking positively otherwise this sitch is going to drag me down even deeper than I already am....

[Coly23]

No positivity here this morning. Feel like I've taken several steps back and I can't seem to drag myself back.

I know that I wouldn't be doing anything different if I wasn't standing but I think it's the not talking about it that's the hardest. It's the not knowing what's going on in their heads and where I stand.

Maybe I should call off meeting for coffee this week. I feel like I'm doing what I shouldn't be and that's picking up his breadcrumbs when I deserve the whole loaf. I feel so hopeless again. I'm trying so hard to move forward but I feel like their is a mountain in the way and I'm having to go around and it's taking such a long time. I jut don't want to do this anymore....