It sounds as if she feels remorse, which is good. It took me ages before I got there, and once I did.....,then it was very hard to forgive myself. It took a long time.
If she asks if you forgive her, then give your answer. When she is saying how terrible she feels about the pain she caused you, it sounds like you are giving good responses. Don't say, "Oh, that's alright", b/c an A is not okay. Telling her that it means a lot to know she is sorry, and being open & honest is helping you to deal with it. Seeing her efforts and working together to have a more fulfilling relationship is the best encouragement she could give you.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
