Focus on Me and the Boys 10

[Painter]

Hi Jim,

I think you need to work on keeping emotions out of this. This is business, pretend she is a difficult colleague. Regardless how you feel about your colleague and however rude she is, you wouldn't answer back, right?

I've made suggestions below. Anything I didn't comment on sounded just fine, so the vast majority of this was very good, IMO.
I'm pointing out the few lapses just to show that you have the full power to make this a completely calm and business-like exchange if you want to.

V,

Thank you for the comments. I will study it to ensure I do not get caught up in a mess like that again.

Below is yesterday's communication with XW, before you commented V. I think I did a little better.

XW: Hi just a heads up I dropped the car off
XW: Just want to confirm that I'm picking the kids up Friday in London
XW: I'm renting a vehicle
XW: Need to know
XW: If you want we can push back that weekend to the next

Me: Yes exchange on Friday. Please bring the key fob for the Hyundai and checkbook and credit cards from joint accounts.

XW: Ok great. Yes I'll give you the key fobs for both the Hyundai and the Chrysler. Any cards/check books I had have been shredded.
XW: What time are we meeting in London?
XW: 8?

Me: Yes

XW: Ok

Me: I would also like to put the boys birth certificates and medical cards back in the safe. Please bring those also.

XW: I will gladly bring you their medical cards. The rest is fine in the safe here. We have joint custody. I am allowed to have these documents. I can give you copies. You've proven to be very unorganized and careless with important documents and papers. Misplacing your tax returns, your W2 statements, leaving their passports in the car for weeks on end...

Me: XW, since they are with me during the school year I propose I have that information readily available. We can exchange the documentation when you have them in the summer.

XW: You're just so stubborn. I'm not sure why they need to be "readily available"

Me: Yes XW I am stubborn. Would like to have them just in case they are needed. I have no issue exchanging them when the boys are with you.

I would have left out the 'yes XW I am stubborn.' It can come across as emotional. Don't let her get to you, keep it to business. Ignore any arrows she slings your way.

XW: Needed for what?
XW: I'm not fighting about this
XW: I'll bring them to you

Me: Agree neither am I. I am asking politely.

No need to continue the back and forth. This would be a good place to just say 'thank you'. She said she was going to do what you wanted, so no need to keep discussing.

XW: I'm sure you'll make it beyond impossible for me to ever get them back or accessible if I ever need them
XW: Just like everything else
XW: Have you decided not to transfer to TO?
XW: Will you be staying in MI?

Me: Are you saying I am making your life difficult?

What did you mean by this? It sounds like you're picking a fight. Look at the response you got - you had the power to avoid the unpleasantness below.

All you had to say here, was "I don't know what's happening yet, I will keep you informed of the development."

XW: You've been nothing but nasty to me the last 2 years
XW: Yes difficult beyond words
XW: But that was your goal
XW: Denying me access to the kids, denying me any say in their lives
XW: Anyway, it is what it is

Me: I see it differently

XW: I'm sure you do
XW: Whatever

Me: Sorry you feel that way. Goodbye.

XW: Will you not answer me regarding the transfer?
XW: Your lease is up at the end of the month
XW: Will you and the kids be staying at your current address? Will you be moving?
XW: Will they be changing schools again!

Me: Don’t know yet.

XW: Well please let me know when you do
XW: It is my right to know where my kids live and what school they attend

Me: Will update you when I take action. I no longer want to communicate without action.

XW: Sorry. Explain the last sentence.
XW: Communicate without action?
XW: No communication unless there's something going on?
XW: Is that what you meant?

Me: Yes.

XW: Well that's fine. I have no desire to discuss anything with you other than the children

Me: Ok

XW: Ok well have a great day. I'll be in touch later to speak to the kids

Me: You too


So I pick up the Hyundai today and am told the rental company is charging a fee to ship the rental car back to Michigan. I had to pay the shipping fee. I sent XW the bill so she can pay the amount since she chose not to drive it back.