Hey Pink, I'm a relatively new her and have caught up some on your sitch.
I hope you don't mind me chiming in here but wow! That exchange you had at the house of the lady from church brought tears to my eyes and then when he knelt down in front of you and opened up to what he wants just made my heart swell...
You sound so afraid and justifiably cautious. When the person who holds your heart decides to squash it under foot trusting them again will not be easy. But imho you maybe need to make a decision now as to whether you want to take that risk with him again.
He is making all the right noises about the fog lifting so maybe being his friend for a bit will enable you to see some action from him that he is truly remorseful and wants to work towards a new relationship with you again. I think NYGal was right when she said you just need to take a chance but you are now at that stage we are all told about at the beginning. The choice is now yours as to whether you take him back or not.
Good luck Pink. Your sitch really gives me hope...
Me - 47 H - 45 D-16 M - 6 years Separated - May 16
Don't leave me behind can't you see me I'm shining... (Years & Years - 'Shine')
Hi Pink, good to hear from you. From all that you post, there are clearly some strong bonds between you and your XH...apart from that, two things stand out for me:
He says he is a broken man and he wants to be friends (ie: not in a R just now.)
So, is he taking some constructive steps to address the brokenness? I don't think you need to make a choice about 'taking him back' at this stage. From all that you posted, that sounds like a much longer term thing.
To me, the only choice for now is - do I allow some room in my life for his friendship, and for him to have a little more involvement in my life?
I wouldn't make any sudden moves and I would continue on with your own plans. And if you choose to spend time with him, maintain some friendship boundaries for the time being....and maintain low expectations. Only time will tell how this will unfold and (given all circumstances) I think consistency over time and forward progress are the key things.
Good luck with everything Sweetie xx
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
What I read there was about a man who loves you very much, but doesn't love himself very much and is working on that.
How should you act? I agree with your S22. Snobby isn't the word I would use though, lol.
You should act like YOU. There should be no acting. The harndess you portray towards him is self-protection. But I think it's kind of forced. Try to just not force being so hard with him. Concentrate on being you and how you truly feel.
Can I tell you after over 8 years, I still put up hardness when talking to my ex. I act so unnaturally around him for some sort for some sort of protection. And I am completely over him. I just don't want him "in" at all. But I am aware of how weird I act.
Take it slow. I know you kind of want all or nothing right now because the process is so draining. But I would certainly keep your eye on the prize.
Reconciliation is the hardest part of the journey for both of you. You both have changed and grown. You and your xh need to take things very slowly here. Start out as friends and work up to being more than that. Don't rush the process or one of you may walk away and detach even more. It's going to be a one step forward, two steps back for a while. He needs to learn how to live in his own skin and right now...he's fragile. Allow him to come to you and above all else...keep those expectations at zero. You can't go back to the old marriage/relationship because it's dead. A new one needs to blossom and hopefully when it's in full bloom, the two of you can reconcile and move forward w/your lives as a couple.
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Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
