You mentioned wondering if your wife will ever reconnect. I know you still live and do things together. Do you pay attention to her desires and do things for her? What things does she enjoy? What is her primary LL? Often times the best way to receive is to give.
On the flip side, do you ever ask her for stuff? When my wife does things for me that I asked for it always helps me to feel connected. Sometimes she even surprises me! Don’t be shy, take charge and take notes.
Look for the small things you both do for each other, appreciate them, and then build on it.
You have a say in rebuilding this connection you seek.
Our wives are not out the door, so our approach needs to be a bit different than most here.
Don’t be afraid to try something new.
Yes I pay attention. I do small stuff all the time bit balance it to not be treating her like royalty and me the servant. I treat her with respect and do nice things. I don't do this because it may change her mind. Again this is about me and who I want to be .obviously I do tweak this downwards due to our situation. I would say her primary LL is AOS, so I do tend to try be mindful of that and act accordingly. When I read the book I didn't think W would want to take the test so it is my opinion.Of the 5 LL it is the one I am shown the most.
What do you mean by ask for stuff? What kind of stuff? Bl0w job is often on the tip of my tongue if she asks if I want anything!!! She will help me if I ask. She will do stuff for me if asked. Please develop your thinking on this for me.
Every day I look for, see and appreciate little thingsa about her/us. I will admit at times it is harder to appreciate it due to other signs less positive. But I persevere and every night just before going to sleep I list (in my head!!) Everything positive from that day.
Yes she does surprise me at times. Unfortunately never naked in the bedroom or any other room. The other day when we came to table to eat she had poured water for her and the boys. I assumed she just didn't feel like pouring mine. I mentioned it, luckily not narky. She poured the water in advance and as I prefer mine cold she thought it would be colder in the jug than sitting in my glass. I try hard to see good reasons behind stuff I don't like, and am pretty good at it bit I didn't see that.
This incident reinforced three things that I have learned during my journey: 1. I am no mind reader. 2. Assuming stuff does not mean it is true. Also assumptions are often the mother of all major Fucck ups. 3. Communication is key. If I had bitten my wife's head off because I assumee wrongly her motive she would not have explained her reason,which really touched me.
R 25 years M 14 years S11 & S13 Working on it alone since Oct 2014 M in trouble a lot earlier (~2 years) Feb 2016. 1st R chat in a yr. Next R chat Aug'17 Still together
