I have been where you are, and I know it isn't good. Here is what I have learned.
Your husband will behave like this if you let him. It is up to you. They are manipulative, without conscience and skilled at getting what they think they want.
How clear do you want to be to him that this behaviour is not acceptable to you? If he wants to go he should go NOW, and no ifs or buts. What he does is his problem, not yours. No need to be 'nice'.
It isn't closing the door, but it is showing him the way out firmly. It will not reduce your chances of getting back together.
Have you made it clear that you find his behaviour disrespectful? Because if I were your husband I would think 'I am getting away with this'(again)
Quote:
I hope one day he will look back and remember this as being what he walked away from .......
I know that is what you hope, but that is not how their minds work, I believe. What he is internalising is that he can do this and it is still OK.
What you are internalising is more bad and hurtful memories by having him remaining in your space. And it is your space. Space you invested in to try and be together. He changed his mind, not you, and so he walks.
I am not suggesting a confrontation, and I know you are in survival mode right now, but who put you there?
Would it be possible to say what you want and what works for you?
I am not anti reconciliation, but we can turn ourselves inside out trying to be reasonable. And all you are doing is storing up some horrible memories, not laying down good ones.
Moving on with your life starts today.
I may sound unsympathetic, but I have dealt with a MLCer for a very long time. One who even now tries periodically to manipulate me. The first sign you will know he is coming out of it is when he puts someone else first above himself on a consistent basis. They are only nice when it serves their ends while in MLC.
