Vey detached, no longer anxious, in limbo

[Phoebe]

Hi there SH and Vanilla. I'm doing OK, just a bit out of sorts of late. I got an email from STBXH about his interest in working on a settlement to save legal fees, and the whole things just rubbed me the wrong way. Plus, any contact with him whatsoever is just too much contact.

I read his email and it just made me feel physically sick to my stomach. He wants to avoid my discovery demands, impute a higher income to me (to lower his support payments, of course), call our previous expenses "a wash" (mind you he spent thousands on his little love shack apartment and extracurricular travels), and then he tossed in a thinly-veiled threat about a property tax exemption audit that he can help me with if I am willing to "negotiate cooperatively", just for a bonus.

So, I wrote back (with the help of l-friend) that I expect STBXH to produce every document that I asked for in my discovery demand, and then after reviewing said documents, I would submit a proposed settlement to him. Basically it was a very polite "thank you for reaching out, but I want all the information that I asked for, and am not going to negotiate on that point, period." I will no sooner trust him to accurately provide the truth about his finances that I would expect him to tell me the truth about his many affairs, etc. He continues to labor under the misimpression that I am ignorant of his waywardness and am somehow less informed than he is, that he can keep pedaling his nonsense my way and I will continue to buy it.

In a word... Nope.

Anyway, beyond that, things are going OK. I saw my therapist today, and he absolutely stressed that I cannot trust a word that STBXH says. He agreed with my plan to not make a move toward any kind of settlement until I have full financial disclosure and legal advice. STBXH wants to settle now and avoid legal fees because he was ordered to pay my attorney fees, as well as his own. Prior to our court appearance he was perfectly content to be uncooperative. Funny how the tune changes when he has to pay the piper.

My finances continue to teeter in the balance. Each week now (for 3 payments), I receive a temporary support check from STBXH. It's not a lot, especially since those three payments are absolutely all I have after the judge locked down our accounts, but it's something. I have a credit card, and I am just going to make this work for a few months until the D is settled.

That said, I have a number of "one-off"-type expenses that I have to deal with, from car repairs to a new building project for my chickens, to my yearly home insurance policy, but I think it will all work out fine.

Today I bought lumber to build an outdoor covered run for my birds. Chickens don't like snow, so if they don't have a covered and sheltered place to go outdoors, they will spend the entire winter inside their coop, hence the term "cooped up." It makes for unhappy birds and a poor quality of life. I'm looking forward to providing them a safe, sheltered area to run around and play in this winter. It's an expense I wish that I could avoid, but my little friends need shelter, and it is my job to care for them. I knew I had to build this shelter when I bought the extra chicks, but that was before I knew about the financial constraints I would be under. Oh well. I'll manage, and my investment in this project now will give all my future flock members the shelter they need.

I apologize that I've been offline for a while now. I haven't forgotten this wonderful community. I've just had a lot of company these days, and I feel rude if I sit on the computer, tapping away, when I have a guest in my home.

I hope that everyone is hanging in there, and getting stronger every day. Hugs to everyone!