1) You are worth more than that. I am glad you know that.
2) Alone is NOT necessarily the way to go. Being firm on what you want and keeping an open mind - IMO, is the way to go.
Great time this weekend. Thank you.
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
I'm sorry things didn't go well for you. Please don't let the experience keep you down.
I think I'm going to take a break from my brief foray into dating because my sons need my time and I need to get back to my home improvement projects. Dating can be a huge distraction.
I hope you're still planning to do the Ginger's Island thing...
Wii, I don't want to be alone at all. But I can't stand the same old crap which makes me feel like crap. Maybe it's just my destiny.
Eric, I had such a great time this weekend. Thank YOU.
I just feel so defeated in this particular area of my life. I feel like I have got a lot to give way beyond the physical. But that just gets taken for granted too.
Ginger1 - Perhaps you are going about this the wrong way? Reading through your prior posts it almost looked like you were shopping for a new outfit, not someone to share yourself with. Sorry - the itemizing of the positive attributes of the recent guy made it look like a checklist of physical attractiveness with compatibility being lower on the list. Most guys especially the more douchey ones can certainly fake being charming for quite a while.
Personally I've been out of the dating world practically forever and I wasn't very good at it even back in the day and probably won't be dipping my toes for some time so take my comments as those of a rank amateur here. I think you were the one who posted this on my thread once and if not, I'm sure you thought it "“Life is what happens when you're busy making other plans."
Do you have some friends who perhaps know a really nice guy? Try just walking up to a nice quiet guy on a bus, at the library, in the park or at a ball game and sit next to them and pass the time of day. People met each other, fell in love long before E-Fish or whatever. If what you're doing isn't working then do something different! And as a reasonably decent looking guy who doesn't have bulging biceps but does in fact have all his own teeth, take a look past the surface. You'll be surprised what lay beneath us average guys.
I know that I've been chastised about being interested in the lady from the flower shop (I know, I know - I'm nowhere near ready, she might not be interested etc etc - this is about you and not me right now). I'd been going to that shop for a few months and she had been working there some of the days that I had visited. She was professional and a bit distant but pleasant. One day, just after W moved out I was on my way to a funeral for my oldest sister's husband and she asked me "how are you" in the normal polite way. "My wife just left me and I'm on my way to a funeral so today is pretty crappy" tumbled out of my lips before they could be stopped. She was kind and sympathetic and is a really nice person that in a different time and place that may one day happen might be a person who I could spend time with. She's no stunning beauty being a harried mom of a 3 1/2 year old and is often sick with whatever new bug he's brought home. So she's not a head-turner who I would have sought out looking at a profile picture on the internet. But she's sweet and has a kind heart. What are "you" actually looking for in a NG? Biceps, or a heart?
Good luck. Just my unasked for 2 cents from an outsider.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Those who know me, and my IRL friends who are on the boards also.... know biceps and physical attributes are the LAST thing I look for. I certainly do appreciate them, but not what attracts me to a man. I have mentioned many times how someone not initially physically attractive can be become physically attractive through personality, and hey, vice versa!
No, I don't know friends who know a nice single guy. I'm at that awkward age, where people are either married or getting divorced, and I live in my long time hometown. I would be hitting on someone else's husband and probably the father of one my D9's classmates. I hate online dating, but this single mom knows it's about the only route.
I am looking for a big heart. There is no doubt about it. Of course, there has to be a level of physical attraction, but I want a nice, kind, non-taker who actually wants to be a partner and share his life with me. I have never been so sure of what I am looking for as I have been for the past year and a half of my life.
Can I have your e harmony subscription? I say get a turtle! They don't care when you come home or who you're with. They don't care if you feed them, change their water or turn on their basking lamp...mine just pretends it's on! They don't care about birthdays, anniversary's and you never have to worry about whether or not they're in the mood. They get excited when you come home and will even watch TV with you...and whatever you want to watch is cool with them! Toss them a little kale here and there and they're yours for life! Best of all, they never want to talk about the relationship. Hell, they'll even outlive you. It's a no brainer...and so's the turtle but that's just a petty detail G, you will rise again...just not today.You are an amazing lady and somewhere out there is a guy who will one day feel like the luckiest man in the world!
Oh vey, I dont want to criticize other posters but "you're looking too much at biceps" and "get a turtle?" At least I think I can follow that. .
I think I remember, you saying you express yourself much better in person than you do writing on a message board. Perhaps that's what's going on here, but I'm confused at what's really going on based on what you've posted. On Friday after the date you said you were impressed he texted to make sure you got home. He was a perfect gentlemen and wants a relationship. You said the two of you were trading texts all day and there would be another date. You said nothing about him being all about sex. Now you say you aren't only done with this guy but all guys. How can this be? These things just don't add up. Were you already concerned on Friday and was he already getting sexual? If so, we're you trying to ignore it or give him a chance? If not, why didn't you say something on Friday?
It's really hard to do this online through posts but it's all we have. I just can't help but think you are really white knuckling all of this. Four hour conversations, six hour dates, then boom, you're out. Sounds very all or nothing, very forced. Do you find it hard to just let things happen and go with the flow? See, I know that I sometimes do. I'm still so raw that any little thing can effect me. If I don't hear back, or she says something and I'm off on a direction. "She didn't message back - she's not interested." I'll get nearly depressed over it. Then a few days later I'd get "I'm so sorry, I just first saw your message now" and I'd be fine. It was all in my head. I can't help but think you are doing the same. "He's made some sexual comments, that's all he wants". How did you go from it's all good to done?
You've gone from great first date to not wanting to do any more of this - without another date inbetween! Does that make sense to you? Again I don't know, but I have to sense you are trying way, way, way too hard here. What is scaring you so much? Why have you lost your balance?
Can you tell us what made you change your mind? Were you concerned all along or did he really change? Are you looking for anything to be out? In other words dump him before he dumps you? What are you afraid of? Now if you fear for your safety with this guy, that's one thing but what if you go out again and he doesn't at all get sexual? Or what if he does? Are you afraid you won't say no? Are you afraid how bad you'll feel if it happens?
Have you heard the phrase, what we fear we create? Are you afraid you are bad at picking guys so you don't trust yourself?
I don't know if I'm helping or not. I just know that something is not adding up here. I refuse to believe that these things only happen to you and you're just not meant to find someone. I also refuse to believe that every guy out there only wants sex. Even if that were true, there are way easier ways to go about that than eHarmony. If that's all this guy really wants, why go through all of the extra work on eHarmony where statistically fewer easy women will be found. Why not go right to Tinder or something?
I hope these comments help flush this out. There is something here that needs flushing.
DonH Midwest Me 56 WAW-EXW 55 Met 11/95 / Married 5/00 Bomb 6/20/05 / She Filed on 6/2/06 / Divorced on 10/9/06 4 who'd qualify as GF since D & dated about 25 women since D
G, I get where you're coming from. Sometimes you don't want to waste time playing a game that can't be won. Sometimes you can't handle the disappointment and frustration that comes from trying to talk yourself into another round.
It's the same way that when you play one of those ring puzzles where you have to get the metal ring off the twisted rods that you can struggle with it for a while, then all of a sudden feel like "this is stupid, I'm stuck, and I'm not enjoying this".
Maybe you'll want to pick it up and mess with it again at some point. Maybe you'll go through a period where it's like "Hey, I don't think this is possible, until the universe gives me a reason to believe differently I'm not beating my head against the wall".
To me this is all perfectly reasonable. This is exactly what I've been writing about as well.
I've got different and in some ways opposite reasons for feeling the same way. Namely I don't feel a woman will accept me because my sexual outlooks and desires don't jive with what women seem to want. I've been through a sex starved marriage, I've felt lonely, rejected, neglected, diminished, misunderstood, and was made to feel there was something wrong with me for who I was. I am not dating, and one reason is I would feel the urge to tell a woman on the first interaction "hey, here's my baggage, here's what other women don't like about me, I'm telling you now so we don't waste each other's time...". I sometimes wonder if some guys bringing sex up so soon is because they feel the way I do...not that they want just sex, but that they want to know it will be safe for them to become intimate because they know their partner will understand them and accommodate them. But that's ALL projection, maybe this guy is just a jerk, or maybe I am too in women's eyes and that's why I have given up myself at this point.
Anyway, just rambling a little, but my main point is it's totally ok to feel this way, you have some good reasons to, it's natural, and you're either going to figure it out someday and achieve what you desire, or you're going to accept that isn't possible and avoid a lot of misery from chasing a unicorn that doesn't exist. But there is nothing wrong with you for feeling the way you do, or making the decisions you are making at this time.
I'll post more on my thread that will no doubt ramble for pages, but that will be more about my baggage. I don't mean to scare you by comparing myself to you in this way, I know we are different people and have our different views in many ways. Just wanted to throw some support and say sorry you have been let down, frustrated, and discouraged, and sorry the world of relationships is tough enough to make that a reasonable and maybe unavoidable reaction. I know that's hard, but I know you'll be ok too. Hang in G.
Me:38 XW:38 T:11 years M:8 years Kids: S14, D11, D7 BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
I am so sorry, my friend, that someone else has disappointed you.
My last relationship disappointed and deceived me deeply and after what I had been through with my marriage, I was done. I was fine on my own. I was starting to rebuild my life. And after meeting many men at various functions, I felt sure that I was good as I was.
I know I put out that vibe and I was fine with it. And what R asked me to dinner, I wasnt going to go, but, I figured, what the heck. I dont know why he asked me out again, because I made it pretty clear that I was alone by choice.
You know how that went. My point is that I think you should just live your life. Concentrate on your daughter and school and anything else you may be able to fit into your busy schedule. Find something that peaks your interest and do it.
I truly believe it is when we are really and truly good with ourselves, that we open up to what the universe has to offer.
Please do not allow what this man did, to in any way be a reflection on you. It really didnt have anything to do with you anyway. Really. It was his agenda and it didnt matter to him how he went about going after it.
You have so much to offer the world. And it is way more that what you look like..though you are beautiful on the outside. But your worth is really in who you are on the inside...and there is so much there. Your love for your family and friends, your personality and your big heart, your loyalty and your sense of humor and your willingness to be completely yourself. Those things are what matter. And there are people who will see that. Unfortunately, there are many who are wont bother to take the time to see it.
Their loss, G. We have become a throwaway society who wants instant gratification. You,being an old soul, dont get that. Nothing wrong with that either.
Just keep going, my friend. Keep growing and getting stronger. Continue to live your life by your rules. Do not ever lower your standards to accommodate someone else.
Love you, sweetie and loved spending time with you.
