The cliff at the top of the mountain.

[Zues126]

G, I get where you're coming from. Sometimes you don't want to waste time playing a game that can't be won. Sometimes you can't handle the disappointment and frustration that comes from trying to talk yourself into another round.

It's the same way that when you play one of those ring puzzles where you have to get the metal ring off the twisted rods that you can struggle with it for a while, then all of a sudden feel like "this is stupid, I'm stuck, and I'm not enjoying this".

Maybe you'll want to pick it up and mess with it again at some point. Maybe you'll go through a period where it's like "Hey, I don't think this is possible, until the universe gives me a reason to believe differently I'm not beating my head against the wall".

To me this is all perfectly reasonable. This is exactly what I've been writing about as well.

I've got different and in some ways opposite reasons for feeling the same way. Namely I don't feel a woman will accept me because my sexual outlooks and desires don't jive with what women seem to want. I've been through a sex starved marriage, I've felt lonely, rejected, neglected, diminished, misunderstood, and was made to feel there was something wrong with me for who I was. I am not dating, and one reason is I would feel the urge to tell a woman on the first interaction "hey, here's my baggage, here's what other women don't like about me, I'm telling you now so we don't waste each other's time...". I sometimes wonder if some guys bringing sex up so soon is because they feel the way I do...not that they want just sex, but that they want to know it will be safe for them to become intimate because they know their partner will understand them and accommodate them. But that's ALL projection, maybe this guy is just a jerk, or maybe I am too in women's eyes and that's why I have given up myself at this point.

Anyway, just rambling a little, but my main point is it's totally ok to feel this way, you have some good reasons to, it's natural, and you're either going to figure it out someday and achieve what you desire, or you're going to accept that isn't possible and avoid a lot of misery from chasing a unicorn that doesn't exist. But there is nothing wrong with you for feeling the way you do, or making the decisions you are making at this time.

I'll post more on my thread that will no doubt ramble for pages, but that will be more about my baggage. I don't mean to scare you by comparing myself to you in this way, I know we are different people and have our different views in many ways. Just wanted to throw some support and say sorry you have been let down, frustrated, and discouraged, and sorry the world of relationships is tough enough to make that a reasonable and maybe unavoidable reaction. I know that's hard, but I know you'll be ok too. Hang in G.