New to the Boards. Marriage in Crisis.

[Chris73]

The first MC session went better than I had expected. My wife did not ask for a separation and agreed to attend more counseling. We have individual sessions next and then another group session next week.

My wife has a troubled background that has nothing to do with me. Her mother was an alcoholic and was married 5 times. My wife was constantly bearing the brunt of the emotional strain that her mother inflicted on her.

When we decided to get married, she was very committed to the idea and even told me many times in those tender moments late at night that, "You'll never get rid of me. You're stuck with me forever". And I believe she was genuine in those moments.

But after the death of her mom 3 years ago (refer to my initial post for details) I guess she had some sort of revelation. She finally felt free from the guilt and burden of the relationship with her mother and started to see the world with new eyes.

It was with these new eyes that she started to question if she REALLY married me for the right reasons and whether she would be able to live with being married to me over the long haul, after the kids moved out and we only had each other.

I bring this all up her because this is what she revealed in our first session. I can't say that all of this was news. We talked about it in various ways before. I mean it sounds like she's having an MLC brought on from some intensive individual therapy that forcing her to look inward.

I just wonder if anyone else on the boards has been through this. Have any of you been told, "I married you for the wrong reasons" only later to hear something like, "I realize now how much we have that's good and I just focused on the negative for too long." ?

Yes, this is me being hopeful, I don't want to think that my wife will never love me again. I want to support her as she goes through this and be there for her when she gets to the other side. I also understand now that the best thing I can do for her now is to get a life and give her space.

But just so I understand. Is this the time to "go dark" and/or use the LRT? Or are we not there yet? The MC advised us to "do nothing" with regard to making decisions about the relationship and that's fine. I'm certainly not going to initiate sex, but what about just having fun? I think our relationship could use a little fun, even if it's just a bottle of wine and a scrabble board. Or maybe even a night out to a movie?

What do you all think?