D and MLC

[ciluzen]

Thanks Esame. I like that saying, as well. Problem is, I really have been struggling lately. The visit with his assistant yesterday was good and bad.I guess I need to break down my reactions to her news to see why.
She let me know that my D was in the newspaper...I didn't know.It threw me a bit and sent a little shock wave. Its real, now.
She said XH hadn't been telling people (patients) but she felt he might start now. She said many of his long time patients ask after me and that now he's started telling some that we are D. She also said that some have asked whose decision it was and that he says it was his when they do. I'm glad of that, but I have this cold, empty feeling now. I guess that I just feel like I'm being publicly excised from his life, where before he was hiding the fact and...it gave me hope?

I told her that I was going to have to take some of my pictures down for a show in January and I would prefer to do it when he wasn't there (with his knowledge, of course). So she volunteered to help and also to help put them up at the venue. But then she went on to say that XH had taken some of my paintings down as my D26 had given him a drive with her photography on it and that he had paid to have it printed on canvas and hung in his office. He had ordered a second one as well. I love my D and had encouraged her when he first opened his office to help fill the office walls with her art as well, but for some reason I felt ...betrayed? Its silly and petty I know, but she never said "hey, mom! I finally gave Dad some pictures to put in his office!" It just drove home the point that my D is really unable to share even good thoughts with me if they have to do with her dad. I hate having people keep things from me...call it PTSD from XH's actions. I want to sit both D down and explain that to them. It hurts more to find out that they hold things back that I could be happy about...that they normally would be happy to share with me; but because it involves their dad, I learn it from others.

It also drove home how sensitive I was when I heard he took down my art. He has lots of wall space to fill so it wasn't necessary. He asked to keep my art up even at mediation and I agreed. Maybe he only wanted to keep it up when he didn't want patients to know we were D (mind reading, I know). She then said I hate them; not D26's pictures, but just the fact that...I like your paintings. I think that was more her feeling that she is confused by H's behavior, too. I'm having a hard time with what to do. Maybe just nothing. Let him do his thing...its his office.

She also let me know that a friend keeps telling her she wants to set me up with someone that would be perfect for me when I'm ready. I don't even know her friend...how would they know whose perfect for me?
"A" (assistant) went on to tell me of convos she had with XH...he wants to do something else, he's lonely at night after work, he's so very depressed etc. Yeah, because he's in a MLC! But she also let me know he still goes to all of Bubbles' kids sporting events and such. His words to me that he misses companionship in the evenings, but he doesn't miss me were brought to mind by this.

So...there is my very H centered post. I'm hoping I got that out of my system a bit. Its just such a weird thing to happen to those of us it is happening to. I remember that just a month before XH announced we were done, he did this funny thing he used to always do when I was in the shower. He'd carry a chair over and climb up and "peep" at me (tmi, I know). It was all kind of a joke between us and always ended up ...very nicely. ONE MONTH before he announced we were done. I just shake my head...its now been a year and a half.And now we are D.