Hey Don. Unfortunately he is pretty much about the sex. I figured I may be able to skip that intention on Eharmony but apparently not. First date was good, he was mostly a gentlemen as far as that went and the next day was filled with tons of inappropriate texts about things that don't need to be discussed for a few dates. He has zero gentlemanly or flattering things to say and has shown quite a cocky side.
I'm just sick of it. It sums up most of my encounters. I must give off some sort of scent or something. I am not crazy hot, I do not dress slutty, I dress classy, I am honest about what I a looking for. He even said on the date that he couldn't tell if I liked him because I didn't flirt. I knew what might happen if I didn't hold back in that area, so I put up a wall.
This sounds completely ridiculous. I can't even begin to explain the things people have said about me or to me or the way they have treated me. Like a sex object. And no, I am not putting out an air of desperation, because he couldn't even tell if I was even interested.
When I look in the mirror I don't even know what I see anymore. I grew up being ugly. Now I'm kind of attractive n an unconventional way. I am not thin at all, but apparently my body screams "sex" as men I have dated or have ben interested in me has told me as much. WTF?! Like I said this sounds ridiculous.
I am worth getting to know as more than that. That I am actually confident in. I think the least I have to offer is sex or my body. The one person who saw me for more than that and loved me dumped my arse anyways.
I'm just done. I'm sick of this dumb game. I had briefly thought in a moment of insanity, maybe I'll just become who these guys think I am. But no, it's not who I am.
Alone is the way to go. There are the levels of intimacy that I crave so much and it has nothing to do with sex. I'll just have to continue to go without. I'll live. There are other areas of my life that are full and I'll just leave it at that.
