was or what 8

[roist]

I don't feel much like journaling. I don't want to focus too much on my situation and outling it here does that. But for the record not much has changed.

In two weeks we are 21 years together and a third Christmas in this crisis is looming. The first one I was freshly in panic mode and stressed over if she would be there after it. Last year I was holding it together so kids would have one last Christmas as a family, but I had had enough and was close to letting her know. This year I am not stressed about her leaving and although not happy with our R, I am more grounded myself too.

I had expected 2016 to be the year this situation ended one way or another. Guess we will have to see how 2017 unfolds. The strange thing about the longer this drags on, is that on one hand it gives me hope that I can turn it around yet on the otherhand it enforces the belief she will not reconnect.

I have been stuck recently but am moving forward again now. I am sure I will need help here in the future but for now I am OK.

Thanks for reading. Best wishes DB community