Just Tired

[TiredTN]

Yes, I am in the habit of seeing what she does as negative. Before even getting Gottman's book I described to my phone-a-shrink that when my wife came home it was like the Four Horsemen of the Apocolypse. It turns out that one of Gottman's criteria for discerning if a couple is going to make it or not is "The Four Horsemen."

They are: 1. Criticism, 2. Contempt, 3. Defensiveness, and 4. Stonewalling. We had all four (both of us) in spades.

Of his Six criteria to figure out if a couple would make it or not we had all six.

All that being said we have had some decent days lately. Our 10 yr old turned 11 and she did a lot of work to help make his birthday party nice. She has spent a little more time with the kids lately...good time with the kids, not just bitching and moaning.

After my last phone appointment part of the homework was to ask her some questions about how she felt about things. That was the night she turned the TV off and we had a good talk (see comments above).

A few nights later I lied and said I had more "homework" and that we needed to take the love languages test again. So we did that and had a little discussion about it too. So I think that helped both of us.