Still hanging on ... just

[Oluwa]

Why do you think that being the one to say "let's separate" will hurt less?

Why do you think that her being with another man will hurt you less if you are separated?

EITHER WAY, the pain will be the same if you aren't detached. THAT is where you need to focus. Separated or not, you can't control what she does. So your focus needs to be on YOU and your kids.

Not on her and your R.

Good points as usual darknes. I am feeling that it is so hard to detach, which we are still in the same home, going through the motions. If we are separated then I know where we are then, and I guess it is a forced detachment, because I have also given up or let go of the rope as it were.

If I was to say "lets separate", then I think that I would feel like I had some control in the situation. You know I had made the decision to separate because she was showing no signs of trying to reconcile.

Other posters mentioned that I am friendzoned and that I should not allow those conversations anymore. I don't, at the moment, know how not to do that. Like if she comes to tell me about work or something, do I say "Im not interested", like how do I deflect the conversation?

Update Today

So she actually got up early and made us both coffee. Her and S12 were going to watch a soccer match, so I got my coffee and went to join them. At some point W and S12 had an argument and S12 left to do something else.

Rollercoast things she said in next 10 minutes :-

1. "Its going to be a nice day, we should all go out and do something together as a family today."
2. "Since i have to work over xmas, i'm thinking we look at booking 3-5 days away down south in january. Maybe we should invite some friends famlies as well".
3. "This guy Peter in my office is 62, and ever since I made him some chilli sauce, he seems to think I like him. He is always making signs that he likes me. He's old enough to be my father, crazy." She told me about making the sauce for him the weekend she made it, so its not a new thing.

This believe only 50% of what they say etc is so true. I guess the answer is not to interpret any of what she said, detach. But its hard, I'm trying to understand the dynamics of her confiding in me about stuff like that, talking about going on holiday, with the I want to separate talk from 3 weeks ago.

Are they all hooks to test the temp. with me, am I still there for her as it were? Did she get up to something last night, and these are all guilt comments? I get it, I just need to not be interested anymore, but I will have to address the holiday thing, i.e. do I agree to go or say thats not good idea at the moment.

Rollercoaster in full swing this weekend!