Focus on Me and the Boys 9

[J5K]

So Friday night I took about 1000 steps backwards. XW and I were texting back and forth for 2 hours. I broke every DB principle.


XW: Hi maybe you misunderstood
I was talking about meeting halfway tomorrow or Sunday
Let me know what day works

Me: Neither, I am busy.

XW: Ok well I guess we'll be charged until you're free
Look if it's not this weekend then we're looking at a mid way exchange on either the 19/20th. Your call. I don't have anyone available to drive me back from London if it's not other of these weekends. You're more than welcome to come and pick it up from here if there's a more convenient date and time. Just let me know so I can coordinate. Thanks. And please have the boys call me.

Me: XW, I understand that you must be very busy with an active social life. Glad to hear that. Guess we will have to continue to resolve things thru lawyers.

Me: The boys are home if you would like to call.

XW: If in all I incur long distance charges
When you ask me to call you I do
Show me the same courtesy
As for the car return it has nothing to do with my active social life
I have to coordinate a ride home

Me: Then return it as the dealer requested.

XW: I am trying to do that
You're being uncooperative
We can send this to the lawyers to work out if you wish

Me: I have a full plate. I am sorry you feel I am being uncooperative

XW: I'm sure you do. Like you wanted

Me: Absolutely
Am i calling your cell for the boys to talk to you?

XW: Please and thank you

Me: For the record this is not what I wanted.

XW: Ok Jim it's been noted
You can seem to grasp that this is happening whether you want it to or not
If you want to continue to make this impossible that's fine
You're the one that filed in the first place. You're the one that kept the kids from me. I told you I would never forgive you for doing that but you didn't seem to comprehend the results of your actions
I can't fix what you broke
I want to get you the car back
I literally have no way home
So work with me
Or we can go through lawyers and judges again
You cut my phone off
You don't respond to my texts or emails
You don't want it like this
But you are making it like this

Me: Really, let it go XW. The past can't be fixed.
You are smart enough to know the impact of your actions also.
I had a purpose for working so many hours. I feel my perspective was never understood.

XW: I know Jim. All you want to do is going around crying to everyone validating your side of the story
Don't really care anymore

Me: We are both to blame. The fact that we did this to the boys makes me sick. It is not about me. It is about doing the work that os required to be in a marriage.

XW: The marriage is over. Now this is about doing the work that is required of us as parents

Me: I am. What are you doing?
Nothing.
No job, just took money.

XW: You've all but cut me out.
Not much I can do

Me: You chose that when you filed.

XW: I chose not to be married to you anymore
That didn't mean I chose not to be their mother
In your sick mind it's all or nothing

Me: You chose to break up a family. Read up on it. You are the psych major. You should know the impact this has on them
I didn't run away.

XW: I left you because you're a drunk and a verbal abuser
A narcissist that can only see how things affect him

Me: Ok yes I am a drunk and a verbal abuser. You are a narcissistic manipulator

XW: Uh huh
Whatever you want to tell yourself

Me: You don't care what divorce does to a man. Years off my life which the boys lose out on also.

XW: All you want to do is rehash the past
Place blame
Deal with reality

Me: Not rehashing the past.

XW: Make it better for the kids
Focus on that

Me: You need to deal with reality also.
Parallel parenting XW.
That is all.

XW: Yes that is all
I have no desire to try and do
Co parent

Me: When you grow up and stop running to your mommy and daddy then maybe we can talk

XW: Says the man who's father bails him out constantly

Me: Take responsibility for your actions.
Whatever

XW: My parents are supportive

Me: So are mine.

XW: I am
Ok
In less than a week this is officially over
Whether you sign or not, whether you like it or not
We were discussing how to exchange the rental
Stay on point

Me: I am happy that I will never have to fund your bad behavior

XW: I'm happy too
Look if you want to exchange this weekend you really have to let me know now
I have to coordinate my ride

Me: Do some work and take responsibility pick up the car, drive the hyundai back to toronto until you buy your own

XW: No we can exchange the vehicle

Me: Sorry busy

XW: Ok then
Onus is on you

Me: Lawyers it is

XW: I already spoke to my L

Me: Likewise
Boss whoever you want around. It wont be me anymore.

XW: I'm not trying to boss you around
I don't have a ride home

Me: Figure it out your dad doesn't work

XW: What do you want me to do? Hitchhike back to TO?
My dad is ill
That's like me saying have your mom pick it up
You have a mother that is supportive and a sister and brother in law and boyfriend and friends.

XW: Don't be an a$$
Yes I do
And they all work and have lives
You have family too

Me: I am not. You are the social butterfly that needs adult time

XW: My mom is willing to drive to London

Me: Yes they are all raising their families
Cant help you.
Sorry

XW: Ok
Then you can come pick it up from Toronto

Me: And you will get the bill.

XW: Whatever you think Jim
I tried to work with you here
You're being unreasonable

Me: There is no working with you, you don't respect me.
I do not need to work with anyone that doesn't respect ne.
I am doing the work

XW: I do respect you

Me: What have you done
Really

XW: Apparently nothing in your mind

Me: That is why you went online dating and left our 2 year old

XW: Yes Jim you've done all the work

Me: For your needs

XW: No Jim you kept him

XW: We were in divorce proceedings
I moved on with my life

Me: No need for me to move to toronto then

XW: You thought you'd take the kids hostage and somehow make me come back to you that way
That's your decision
I never believed you would anyway

Me: XW, we will never agree on anything anymore.

XW: Just another manipulation
No we won't

Me: I am doing the work that you asked.
Lets see if you will do the same.

XW: Jim our marriage is over

Me: You wanted me to have the hard conversations well here we are

XW: It doesn't matter anymore

Me: Love is a choice XW

XW: No it's really not Jim
I don't love you anymore

Me: Ok princess go fall in love again and again
I am done wasting my time with you
I deserve someone who will accept me for who I am. I was willing to do that to save the marriage even with all the actions you took
You had this planned for at least a year and a half and I was the nice guy that gave you everything, never said no.
Goodnight.

XW: What dealership is the rental from?

Me: Enterprise in x city. The paperwork is in the car with their address and phone number

XW: Ok maybe I can return the car to an enterprise here
Or in Buffalo
I'll call and find out tomorrow
Keep you posted
It would've been nice if you had enough sense to ask ahead of time
Instead of wasting all this time and energy

Me: Ask what ahead of time
The rental? I just found out today. They called and I went to get the estimate. It is not like I was slacking off.

XW: It's ok
One question. Can i return the rental anywhere?
Toronto?

Me: Why are you asking me

XW: That's all you had to ask
Instead this turned into a bigger deal than it needed to be

Me: Well I had other issues to deal with. How about you do something for a change. Stop telling me what I could have done.
YOU do something

XW: Ok Jim

Me: I am pulling more than my fair share.

XW: Uh huh

Me: Narcissist

XW: You fought for this
Now deal with it
You left me for a year
You've had what? 2 months

Me: Absolutely I am. Keep projecting XW I don't care anymore

XW: I have no idea what you're talking about but fine

Me: You never have

XW: I don't want to hear how much work it is
Or how busy you are
Guess what
I know how hard it is and how much work it takes

Me: Do you

XW: I do

Me: Not while carrying a full time job. What are you going to contribute to the boys over the next 15 years? Nothing financially.

XW: I know when I needed your support you told me to "shut the f up" all the time

Me: Nothing I did was appreciated. I was working my a$$ off to out a down payment on an 850K house

XW: Again, I had a sound financial plan
You chose to fight against me having them
Against investing their money
That's on you

Me: Their money will be invested

XW: Well who cares now anyway

Me: You dont
I care

XW: All that money I worked so hard at saving, you worked so hard at making
You just gave it to lawyers
Even now

Me: You filed XW. Enough with the i filed first.

XW: Deal wit it Jim

Me: You gave 70K to lawyers and you could have had a diamond ring but u did not want to talk u ran away

XW: I don't love you. I don't want to be married to you. I don't want to be financially tied to you.

Me: Likewise

XW: Talk about what?
Are you insane?

Me: No u are

XW: You filed for divorce and took the kids from me

Me: A mother would never leave her children

XW: There's no forgiving that

Me: These boys came from a broken home and now they are back in a broken home

XW: That's what you believe so you took them hostage to keep me a prisoner

Me: Ur free
Do what u want i dont care

XW: Well you're doing your best at making it awful for us all
The kids are unhappy

Me: Yes I am. Always the bad guy. U do no wrong

XW: They told you they wanted to live with me

Me: No they are not. They are happy and with a stable parent

XW: Ha

Me: Do u work
Do u contribute to them financially

XW: Is that what you want
Money from me
XW: Sad

Me: No. I don't want anything from you

XW: Good then stop

Me: I should have stayed with the divorce the first time

XW: Sign the "censored" papers already
Yeah I guess you should've

Me: Its not agreed on times and everything

XW: Saved us time

Me: 60 overnight a year mom

XW: Ah well

Me: U burned that money

XW: What?

Me: Their money

XW: You burned It

Me: Ok xW whatever

XW: I wanted to write this out
Without lawyers
You're an a$$ and everyone told you

Me: Then u should have written it. I wasn't going to do it for you

XW: Not to go through lawyers
I did
You never responded

Me: You stole my money you and your mother

XW: You're insane
No one stole anything from you

Me: I will never forgive you or ur family for what they did.

XW: All my family ever did was help you
You feel better getting this off your chest?

Me: I don't want to know you anymore. Really? They helped us not me. And you and them just took it monetarily.

XW: You're family was awful, truly awful to me

Me: 100K. 50% interest ha!
You never listened to your father and let a few things slide.

XW: I'm not discussing this anymore

Me: There is always an excuse with u
Goodnight

XW: As for the furniture
I'll get back to you
What about the agreement do you want to change?
The drop off times?
Like you want it to be 8pm and not 5 pm
This is so ludicrous
Jim we're divorced
I don't know why you can't deal with that reality
But for the kids I would recommend you put your big boy pants on and be civil and courteous and make it the best possible situation for THEM

Me: I am XW. This is what you want.
I am civil.

XW: Ok

Me: I am looking out for me and the boys.

XW: No you're looking out for you

Me: Goodnight

XW: I don't think you care about them at all
Yes what fits my schedule

Me: Goodnight. Not talking about this anymore.
We can just email if you continue and I will uninstall this app.

XW: We have to work so that it fits in both our schedules

Me: That is why the schedule needs to be set in stone. I will follow it precisely.

XW: I know you will
Completely inflexible
Sad
It is set Jim
You agreed to it in mediation
Anyway, no trying to reason or be logical with you

Me: There is no reasoning with you

XW: I am reasonable
And flexible

Me: My world no longer revolves around you

XW: It never did Jim

Me: Ok XW

XW: It should revolve around the boys

Me: I get it so it is what it is

XW: And what's best for them

Me: It does and it will be fixed.
That will be the schedule and that is what we will stick to until each child is 18

Me: You wanted this

XW: I wanted it to be amicable

Me: So deal with it.

XW: But your incapable of that

Me: It is amicable.

XW: I am
No it's contentious
XW: And awful
For the boys

Me: No you want what you want with no consideration of my input and feelings

XW: No I know your feelings
And your input
Your way or the highway
It's fine

Me: Stop putting the boys in the middle and using them. If you cared about the boys you would understand that they want a mom and a dad living under the same roof

XW: No that's what you want

Me: Yep now it is my way or the highway

XW: And that will never happen
Not with us

Me: Ok

XW: Not ever again

Me: Good because I deserve so much more

XW: They wanted to live with me
But you didn't care
It was never about them
It was always about you

Me: They can but not for the price you want. I am not a fool

XW: Ok well that's that

Me: Glad u have a home for them

XW: You'll pay double that in child care
And waste all their money

Me: No I wont

XW: No I don't
Can't afford the house

Me: I ran the numbers. I don't have to fund your nails or hair or clothes and shoes and I will save thousands

XW: Ok great
So I guess it works out then

Me: That's too bad. U said your parents were going to gift it.
What happened to your support
Nice huh

XW: Makes no sense for me to keep a house that big if it's going to sit empty

Me: Agree
So sell it after a year and go move in with ur boyfriend. Guns and motorcycle two things u never want the boys to touch
You were opposed to those things and now you are dating a guy that has both.

XW: He's a cop

Me: Nice example to set.
So what

XW: It's not like he's an outlaw

Me: Have fun with the cop. Hunters are not bad people either

XW: He doesn't kill helpless animals

Me: Hunters are not bad people either but to you they are

XW: And he's certainly not going to have a gun at the house
Or have the kids shoot it

Me: Ok
Right
Figure that out when u move in with him
That was unacceptable in my book that the boys had to meet someone so soon.
Great example you set.

XW: I'm in a serious relationship

Me: Don't text me anymore am tired of you XW and want to move on. You have no idea the damage that you caused.
Great enjoy
I don't want to know about it. I am uninstalling this app

XW: Ok fine whatever then since i won't be able to freely communicate with you
I'll just ask that the boys call me every night before bed

Me: I want nothing to do with you. Your behavior disgusts me.
Buy them a phone then

XW: They're too young for a phone

Me: I am not funding you. Let ur serious relationship fund it

XW: So just have them call me

Me: No. They are kids. If they ask me yes I will. Otherwise you call

XW: No that's not how it works
I do call and you don't answer

Me: And I am going to make it clear one last time. Never call my work phone or email my work unless it is an emergency with the boys.
Yes XW that is how it works

XW: Well when you don't respond to me it is an emergency

Me: What two nights that we were busy
Whatever

XW: Technically that's not a justification

Me: Go find someone else to jump thru hoops for you I am done
Yes it is
Entitled princess

XW: I'm entitled access to my children
That doesn't make me a princess

Me: Agree
So you can call

XW: Jim when I call you complain they're eating or shower in
You know when they're free to chat so you can call

Me: No I do not.
Goodnight.

XW: Why do you text me and make me call you when I have them?!?!
Okey dokey goodnight

Me: Then lets set times. That will be the only way this will work

XW: Yes

XW: Simple
Have them call me every night
What time works?
7:30?

Me: No u call o am not calling u

XW: Great look forward to it
Ok fine I will call

Me: Lets put it in the JOD

XW: FaceTime
I don't have long distance
You do though

Me: Not my problem

XW: That's ok

Me: Ur problem

XW: JOD is set

Me: Nope
Not signed

XW: Can't change it
The judge will sign it for you
Nov 11

Me: Yes i know

XW: Whatever

XW: You say this is amicable
You're being so childish
It's pathetic

Me: No i never did
U are the child that ran away

XW: You just did
Ok and here we go round and round

Me: No you want this to be amicable your way

XW: Get over the fact that it's over

Me: You hurt me and the boys

XW: No you hurt the boys

Me: Good riddens
Whatever

XW: You're still hurting them

Me: Whatever

XW: You'll never stop

Me: I never tell them anything negative about you. I also dont play the victim

XW: Ok

Me: That is what u do

XW: Ok

Me: Get a job and start contributing to their future

XW: Goodbye

Me: Finally. Afraid to work

Me: What comes around goes around XW