W was more distant again this week. I ended up taking the kids to the Halloween party by myself. Actually a 180 for me, going to a party where I literally knew one person. W did come over for trick or treating then left as soon as we were done. I'm keeping a "whatever" attitude, making sure not to pursue, but I'm faking it until I make it. Sometimes I feel like I have it, other times I don't.
W had a headlight out this week. I changed her bulbs but it is still out. I told her I'd look into it more when I had some light. The next day she called me because she had a blowout and didn't know what to do. I went and changed it for her. She kept apologizing. I just told her it wasn't her fault and that things like that happen and we can't control them. She was in a ppm mood, talking about how things like this always happen to her, her car being crappy (it's not, id love to have it back, it's getting a little older now but I always got compliments on it; she is running it into the ground though), and told me she got her apartment application rejected because of how she left to move back. I told her to be thankful her tire didn't blow on the interstate that it could've been worse, that her car was actually nice, and that I was sorry about her apartment (taking her side). She told me "thank you, you're a lifesaver." I just said no problem or something similar and left.
She keeps saying little things to me now like telling the kids she'll stop after work then say "if that's okay with you" or other similar things implying I don't want her around etc.
She's supposed to come over in the morning again. She wants to have the kids over with her the next few nights as her roommate/mlc friend will be gone. I reluctantly agreed. The kids miss her, it's sad. I took the kids to a bday party today and s told a bunch of kids he wished his mom could be there, I felt bad.
She asked if I would still look at her light. I told her I would but I wonder if I shouldn't have let her figure all this out for herself. Idk.
She told me this week her dad needed to have open heart surgery for something they saw during his chemo follow up. I wonder if this is part of her problem lately (she's just acting different than she was, more distant, barely seeing the kids). She mentioned it a couple weeks ago, before she knew he needed surgery, and said "her parents are being big babies, he's fine, it's just a side effect, etc." I told her her parents were scared and to keep me updated then it got dropped. I couldn't believe she was so insensitive. Maybe it was a defense mechanism for her. She acted similar before his cancer diagnosis.
She also keeps telling me how she can't sleep. I guess it's part of her depression. I was thinking about it and searched her medical condition and depression and they go hand in hand, it's a very serious part of it.
Not a lot new with me, trying to stay consistent and focus on the kids and myself. Hope everyone is having a good weekend.
