Taking another dolly step...

[Sotto]

Hi Coly, yes that's right. OW was transatlantic at that time. We had S a few months earlier.....so this was around the time I joined this site.

To me, he was saying he was confused and unsure. But to our mutual friend, he said the R/M was over. She couldn't bear the fact I didn't know this and told me so in a really painful convo. After that, I asked her to not let XH know she had done that - to tell him she had tried and I just said - I'm sure if he has something important to tell me, he will do that.

In actual fact, he never did really tell me things were over until the following March, when he decided to file for D. Our mutual friend remains pretty upset that 'he put her through that' and says 'he's not the man I thought he was' - called him spineless.

Any ways...I also had my hair done today. I hope yours looks lovely and you enjoy your new look. Just on that message from your H - have no expectations and leave it to him to initiate if he does want to meet up. If you do meet up, maybe keep it shortish and have somewhere else to be after that...

If he doesn't come back to you, I wouldn't contact him and ask him if he still wants to meet - just leave him to it unless he initiates would be my view.

Have a lovely weekend! Xx

[job]

Coly,

Don't be too quick in responding back to his text. Let it simmer for a while. In fact, I would just sit back and allow him to pursue you for a bit.

[pinn]

Hi Coly,

Yes wait to respond and let it simmer for a while.

If this were me, I think I would respond with something like 'that would be nice' but let him push to make the plans. Feel like I have been in this same exact spot...

Hope your hair comes out great!

[Coly23]

Thanks Sotto, Job and Pinn. H said he would get back to me early in the week so I will leave it up to him although I did tell him I wouldn't be available on Friday. Is that too much information.... ? I'm really no good at this am I!!!

I'm very pleased with my hair thank you just no where to go to show it off! Was going to the pictures with D but she's having a meh sort of day so we are having pizza delivery and a film at home instead. Oh and a nice glass of wine!

I'm going to try and drag myself out of bed early tomorrow and go to the gym and then I'm sitting my twin niece and nephew in afternoon. Really looking forward to sounding time with them.

Hope you are pleased with your new hair too Sotto!!!

[Altair]

Wow Coly,
you certainly have an update! I'll leave it to the pros to give you advice.

I'm going to take your lead and force myself out for a run.

[job]

Coly,

The only thing that I would be mindful of next time is to not be so ready to tell him you aren't available on Friday or any other day. The time to tell him that you aren't available that day is if he suggests it. The reason that I wanted to point this out is by stating that Friday is the only day you are busy is actually telling him that you are at home w/no plans. It tells him that you will drop whatever you are doing those other 6 days to meet up w/him. Don't advertise just how available that you are. The less he knows about your "free' time, the better.

[AndrewP]

Coly - Well now I feel bad that I didn't get my hair done today too... My Movember mustache is coming along quite nicely though. Does that count?

[Coly23]

Hey Altair, hopefully by tomorrow your hangover would have subsided! How far are you intending to run?

Job - I hear you! Ordinarily I wouldn't have said anything but it's in my lunch hour and Friday I am going to be out of town for work so I won't be able to meet him.

Andrew - yes, I am disappointed that as an honourary sister you did not get your hair done today but I will forgive you seeing as you are doing movember!

[Surfer]

Coly,

Are you saying that this might help me with my interactions with him now or just if we reconcile?

I think 5LL can be used for improving any relationship. If you can work out what your LBS likes in terms of interactions and focus on that I am sure that can only help. In terms of will it help now or if you reconcile, I think both potentially but I think like myself a focus on lovingly detaching right now is most important, together with GAL etc. Understanding the WS' LL is something that is perhaps useful now for when you do have interactions, for example, my W's LL is acts of words of affirmation and acts of service I believe. I need to find out though. If you read PsySaras thread you will see that her H was away from the home and in a R with OW etc. He has moved back home and she is focusing on his LL, physical touch etc.

I hope this helps. Take it easy. Be kind to you.

Surfer.

[Coly23]

Thanks Surfer, yes this has helped lots! I started reading the book again. Maybe I can put some of it into practice if I see H this week....

I must admit I thought I knew H's LL. I thought it was physical touch and words of affirmation although I was never any good at the words of affirmation! I would really love for him to do the test so I know for sure. I have been following Psysara's thread too.

Have a good rest of your Sunday!