Still hanging on ... just

[j20a00g]

Hey everyone,

So yeah, didn't see much of wife throughout saturday as various kid duties. She went ot get her hair done late afternoon, so didn't see her until evening. If your following my story, she is going out tonight, so new hair looking good. In a good mood as we prepare food for family.

I find a movie to watch with S12, and he inititially doesn't want to watch it, but 20 mins in he starts to like it. W comes out of bedroom to talk to son, "is dad making you watch a bad movie?", S12 "nah! its actually ok!". 30mins later W comes back in home theatre, "Im going in 10 mins", S12, "where are you going so late?", S,m "im going out with my friend Shelbie". S12 "why so late ?", Its around 9:40pm. I said, "thats the time you go out clubbing".

I say "Have a good night!", admittedly in a flat tone, and she says "Yes! I will have a fantastic time!", and wiggles her hips. I say "Why say it like that ?", she says "because you are clearly not happy that I am going out?". I said "I didn't mean it like that, I genuinely mean have a good night!". She wanders off.

A bit later, I got to room and say "Hey! why be so sensitive over what I said?". She says, "well clearly you are not happy I am going out", I say "well I would like to go dancing as well!", she says "well I don't want to go with you. We have been out 3-4 times over the last 4 months so I want to do something different!". I said, I understand, and I am genuinly happy that you will have a night out, I am sure you will enjoy it."

She is so cold about goig out, clearly I have no opinion and can't ask about anything witout her being offended.

I said, "You look Stunning! I do really hope you have a good night!". And then I left the room. 5 mins later she left to go out.

As of now, I finished movie witgh S12, then set up the SPA, drunk a bottle of red wine while watching a movie, which I enjoyed.

Now in home theatre, planning to sleep before she gets home. The thing is, if you saw my wife dressed up, there is no way guys won't be hitting on her, but in true WW/WAS syndrome, does she really see beyond the initial attraction ?

I don't think so, she is probably MLC as well, and thinking her whole life will be better if we seperate. But she hasn't thought this through at all.

I am so confused about DR/DB, as it seems that you offer yourself as a doormat for your S, and you have to focus on being perfect, while they do whatever they want, with the vague hope that one day they might turn around and come back to you.

How is this sustainable? If you have been the weaker partner (NGS etc) how do you turn that around without you waiting for you S to decide your worth it? Do people understand the paradox I am trying to explain ?

Since you read both DR and DB then you may want to start applying them. How many times did you have to tell her to have a good night? or that she looked good? Or that you wanted to go? Or to be involved in the night in anyway (including the jab about clubbing)?

You took an opportunity to show your detaching and made it into a situation where you were smothering, badgering, and pressuring.

Less is more.