I think the hardest part is that nobody knows. Other than one long distance friend and my therapist, I haven't confided in anyone. It's extremely difficult to keep up appearances in front of family and friends. My wife and I don't fight much at all and when we do, the kids aren't around. I don't know if they suspect what's happening...
I know this song well. From March 9th to Mother's day even our adult kids didn't know how severe the problems were at home. I requested that W tell S22 (being as it was her choice to want to leave) before his Mother's day visit at least the basics. Until she moved out in July we kept up appearances in the community and even now that she's been gone for months everything is still very quiet.
It tore me up inside and I built up a lot of resentment for my W. One of the vets on the MLC forum - eric - gave me a good perspective though. Instead of holding things quiet to protect my W, it was to protect my family and marriage. It still hurts but the anger is less focused.
I'm not sure on your own reasons for holding things quiet but be careful of building up resentment of your W for it.
Good luck!
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
