Me and my 2 daughters

[ericmsant2]

Irish

I have followed your story from a distance. I would like to echo what others have said....

I think you handled ex well. A bit too much back and forth for me. I would have kept it even shorter.

I get the need to toss out the truth darts - just make sure you do not stress yourself out too much.

Peace,
Eric

[job]

Irish,

Again, I'm so sorry that you are having to deal w/the MLC crazy making that your wife is creating. She's miserable and the only person that is making her miserable is you...but that's not true...she's doing it to herself. She's angry at the world and feels a lot of guilt for what she's done and she's not ready to admit that SHE is responsible for the mess that SHE created.

I wouldn't respond to any more of her texts. She's got the girls email addresses and they are old enough to determine if they want to post to her or not. It's all on her to mend the broken fences w/her girls.

Step back, breathe and know that you are a great father. Always remember...you can't rationalize w/crazy/emotional people. You certainly didn't break her, therefore you can fix her or the situation she's created.

Take care!

[Brubeck]

Hey Irish - just catching up. Don't have much to offer besides what's already been said here. Wow, she's lost at sea.

The way you communicate the texting conversations with your W, you can almost see the pops in her brain going off that trigger her switches in topic. Sounds like she's trying to get you to mend her relationship with your daughters, she doesn't want to do it herself.

Of course there are some lessons to learn on how to deal with her better, and I'm sure you'll see whatever that is for yourself. Being a LBS requires so much damn restraint. Even when it's time to say something after keeping your mouth shut for so long, it takes focus to figure out what to say (at least for me). Getting through the fog with a truth dart can be hit-and-miss.

I think you handled it like a pro. Not the victory anybody wants, but pat yourself on the back. Rest, brother.

[Sotto]

Hi Irish, there certainly seems to be a lot being put forth by your XW lately - wow!

I agree with other posters above. You do handle your sitch well, though perhaps at times your buttons get pressed and you engage with her more than you need to.

Until or unless something significant changes (and it's up to you whether the door is still open) I would stick to business. And if she wants to engage you in a text discussion about anything else, you may merely want to briefly validate - I'm sorry you feel that way - and leave it there.

Her contact does suggest it may not all be rainbows and unicorns in her world, which is sad of course, but there we are.

Take care Irish and have a great weekend!

[CaliGuy]

Wow Irish .... that's a ton from her given the sitch.

I too have been getting an increase of TM's, nothing of your sort but I do recall a barage of those a few years ago which looking back I fueled FAR to much... live and learn. Its good you were able to notice and state it is still all everyone elses fault, I am guessing (I will never give up my Mind-Reading Super Powers) she is feeling the Holidays and all that come with it which for her is a big bright red box of guilt, much easier to broadcast that toward the one who is really at fault here ... Mr Irish (I pray you feel the sarcasm font going on there)

Trouble is ... you are having none of it so she will have to go back and stare at the ceiling some more and figure out who she can pin this thing on because certainly it just can not be her can it?

I suspect you are in for a little MLC fun the next couple months, but you have your stuff together and I have no doubt you will handle this well as you have been.

[Irish M]

My advice is to treat this day as a learning opportunity so that next time you won't react, but will respond.

Hi bttrfly, I am much better today. A good night sleep does wonders. Yes it is a learning experience. I should of shut it down a lot faster than I did. I feel like I put my head right inside the MLC tunnel and saw the evil in which it is. got sucked in and I'm actually surprised I made it out. lol

Funny thing is, it's quite nice down there. I should pack a bag next time and stay longer. I saw unicorns, rainbows, candy and fun. There was even a bank machine with money flowing from it like a river.

All it means is that she got jealous seeing you have dinner with someone else. She was fishing to see if you were still pining for her; then she could have gone back to her life with OM satisfied that plan B was still safe.

Hi kml. I agree. its what I felt in the second round of her texts. It's funny but they say once you really let go and move on the MLC'r notices. In the early months I tried to get a reaction out of her by pretending. But my heart was still bound to her and she did not react or notice.

The last few weeks I felt my heart free. I had started to open up to the opportunity of moving on. Letting someone new in. I was happy at this stage and I was just moving forward and not thinking about XW.

Proof does exist that an MLC'ers life is not all that pleasing and you got the proof laid out right in front of you.

Yes, I think she is starting to see her reality. \she's not at the point where she hits rock bottom due to the multi enablers in her life. I truly hope she learns something from this week as well and it guides her out and begins rebuilding what she can with the girls.

I get the need to toss out the truth darts - just make sure you do not stress yourself out too much.

Hi Eric. yes i did push the limit and it did drain my strength. Not sure why I even try.I think I still have a small fraction of me that cares for her and believes in her.

She is just so irrational. She hears and reads only what she chooses and tries to manipulate by playing first a friend, then victim and closes it off with monster. I've seen all these personalities before but usually I get a day or so between each of them.

Step back, breathe and know that you are a great father. Always remember...you can't rationalize w/crazy/emotional people. You certainly didn't break her, therefore you can fix her or the situation she's created.

Hi Job
yes.. I fail at this. A slip up for sure. I tried to rationalize. The friend version of her hooks me in because it is her. She and I presume any MLC'r are great at showing us the person we want to see. The person we remember and loved . we dream about the day they are back. They know us so well and use this to break down that wall we built to protect ourselves. Its the person we want to see from the day BD hits us.

I do fall but not as far as i did in the beginning. I am getting good at detecting it faster and pulling myself back.

Sounds like she's trying to get you to mend her relationship with your daughters, she doesn't want to do it herself.

Hi Brubeck.
Yes I believe you are right. She can't face them. She is hoping that time will erase the awful things she did and they will miss mommy. She contacts me saying I'm the adult and I should push them. Force they to see her. She's done this since Xmas last year. Always saying I'm ruining their lives, I'm a bad father etc.

Don't get me wrong I will help her if she shows me she will do the work. But I haven't seen that yet so her relationship is between herself and the girls.

You do handle your sitch well, though perhaps at times your buttons get pressed and you engage with her more than you need to.

Yes, I am irish after all. it takes a lot to get me upset but once my button is pressed its pressed. Also, I say things too fast and regret it after. Not much this time but I could of chosen better words. I should of followed some of the key rules here and take more time between replies and not try to defend myself as much. We all learn from this site but sometimes we all have to make the same mistakes to truly understand it.

she is feeling the Holidays and all that come with it which for her is a big bright red box of guilt, much easier to broadcast that toward the one who is really at fault here ... Mr Irish (I pray you feel the sarcasm font going on there)

Hi Cali, what are you saying? shes right? it's all MY fault. lol . No worries i caught the sarcasm. I did give you all an edited version and not a word for word text copy of the entire day of texts, i fear the day she uses google to key words in and it brings her here lol

I did text her at some point a question. I asked her what was the point of today's texts, I only learnt that it was my fault you left, i didn't love you enough , the girls didn't love you, It's all my fault, i'm a bad dad.

So yes sarcasm I gave it to her as well lol .


SMALL UPDATE.

XW did message the girls. A small email telling them she missed them. That she was there mother and will always be their mother. That a year and 5 months has gone by and they should get over it. She wants to talk to them and hopes they reach out.

They did reply this morning before school and told be about it when I picked them up after school.

they simply wrote. No thanks we are not interested. Don't contact us again.

I asked them how they felt and both said good. that their mom simply doesn't get it. we won't forget and she clearly is delusional.


by the way, you are all invited to my house for a beer and BBQ next year. I feel very comforted knowing I have so many good friends here. You are family.

have a great weekend

Irish

[HaWho]

Irish - I find it quite interesting that she texts you but emails the girls. Quite ironic that she is asserting her place as their mother and yet emailing them to "communicate." Last I checked, on this planet, mothers can't parent electronically.

Sending you and your girls the very best.

[Vapo]

Before I answer on the invite you really do have to clarify if there will be any Guiness there...

[AndrewP]

I feel like I put my head right inside the MLC tunnel and saw the evil in which it is. got sucked in and I'm actually surprised I made it out. lol

I'm only now really coming to terms with that myself.

by the way, you are all invited to my house for a beer and BBQ next year. I feel very comforted knowing I have so many good friends here. You are family.

have a great weekend

Irish

Looking forward to it Irish - I can bring "real" Canadian beer and perhaps some german garlic sausages for the BBQ. My mother was Irish, on my dad's side I'm 3/4 Scottish and 1/4 German. Lots of great cultural influences.

PS - I'm very proud of your girls.

[bttrfly]

Let's face it, Irish, our spouses know us well. They know how to manipulate and push and pull until they get a reaction. I'm Italian ... I get it, as well you know, having seen some of my earliest posts - esp my epic explosion / reaction to the "I went to Hawaii without you on our anniversary and here's the bill; I expect you to pay half" conversation. I think I actually went seismic on that one.

What continues to impress me is that you are able to see it for what it is, and learn from it. I'm betting you won't get sucked in in the same way again. GOOD JOB BUDDY!



Is this a guy's bbq or can chicks come too? Since I don't drink, think about all the extra beer for everyone else, hhhahha

Have a great weekend. Your girls are awesome ! xoxoxo